Furnace Fixed, Packing & Moving

Thursday went quickly. I called Tom to ask if the furnace part came in yet. He said it didn’t, but his supplier was taking the part off a new furnace so he could bring it out and install it later in the day. He called about fifteen minutes before I was ready to leave to pick up Mom. I told Mom on the way home that Tom would be at the house fixing the furnace when we got home. Two Feather came down and talked with Tom while he worked and until I got back home with Mom. When Tom came upstairs to go outside to get a tool Mom wasn’t sure who he was. He said hello and went back downstairs to work. When he came back upstairs into the dining room to set the thermostat a few minutes later, Mom said I haven’t seen you in a long time, how are you and when did you grow that thing on your lip. He chuckled and said, I’ve had this mustache since I was in the military.

Two Feather left and went back home. While Tom worked on the furnace, I made Mom’s dinner and got her ready for bed. Tom left about 6:00 and the furnace was running. He said, I think it’s finally fixed. Nothing personal, but I hope I don’t hear from you until next year. We both laughed and I said, no offense taken, I hope not too.

The furnace ran its cycle, shut off after he left, and didn’t come back on. I felt bad that I had to call him again. He was in the middle of eating dinner when I called and said he’d come right over. When he came, he was prepared to tear the entire furnace apart all the way down to the fuel line. He knew the module he’d replaced was working so it had to be something else. He installed a new thermostat, took apart the fuel pump and cleaned the small fuel filter inside and put everything back together. The furnace ran a 40-minute cycle this time and the thermostat moved up to 70 degrees. He waited for the house to cool some and see if the furnace kicked back on by itself. Fifteen minutes later, it did. He was a bit paranoid because of all the problems, so he waited for it to run another cycle before he left. Once again the furnace came on by itself. Tom left about 8:00 satisfied that the problem was fixed. The furnace has been working ever since. YAY!!!

Angel came in and stayed with me for the night again because she had another appointment on Friday morning. She got in around 9:30 PM. She brought a birthday bag with presents in it. She drove in last Monday for another interview, and had the bag with her then thinking we might get together for lunch and give me my present early, but we weren’t able to get together because Two Feather and I had a business appointment. Anyway, she gave me a beautiful blue velour jogging suit and the newest Stephen King book. Of course, I loved both gifts. We sat upstairs and talked until 11:00.

Friday morning I woke up Mom and got her ready for the day and woke Angel up so she could get ready for her trip downtown. She was going to drive back to her house after her appointment and said she’d call when she got home.

Two Feather rode me down to Mom’s on the Mule and I packed up a lot of my books, writing files, and my summer clothes to take back to my house. I just don’t have enough room upstairs and I’m not making use of my writing files right now anyway. I figured I might as well start moving things back to my house.

I also packed up all his Indian art that I had in my room upstairs. We had been selling it online, but so much has changed with Mom, that I don’t have the time to devote to taking the pictures, writing the descriptions, packing everything, or running the items to the post office when they've sold. I feel bad about this, because Two Feather has given up everything to help me take care of Mom. He’s given up his way of life: going to powwows; setting up and selling his Indian art at powwows, craft shows, and flea markets; selling firewood. He’s given up absolutely everything to show respect to a woman whom he has no actual ties to. Why? Because he loves me and he loves my mom. And because he’s a respectful human being who lives by his Cherokee heritage. He’s a traditionalist and taking care of the elderly is part of their tradition.

He doesn’t whine or complain that our life has changed so much; he accepts it as part of the path we’re suppose to be on right now, and so do I. We’ll have no regrets about these years spent with Mom and we take pride in the fact that we’re here for her through every step of her journey with Alzheimer’s.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would take care of Mom if and when the time was needed. I’m proud to say I have a man who stands beside me and believes, as I do, in the same family values, honor, and respect due our elders. I think I’ll take my Mom’s advice from when she met him six years ago before Alzheimer’s, “Hang onto him. He’s a keeper. He’s a wonderful man.”

Yes he is, Mom, and he shows it every day!

A Tribute to My Significant Other Two Feather

Last week I went grocery shopping. My Significant Other, Two Feather, who always helps me with mundane chores, carried more than a dozen grocery bags into my mom’s house for me, and waited patiently while I hurriedly unpacked the bags and placed the groceries where they belong.

He’s such a patient and understanding man to live separate from me, alone in my house, while I live with Mom in hers as her caregiver. We have few hours together each week, yet he hasn’t complained that those few hours are spent helping me with the everyday needs like shopping, taking Mom’s dog to the groomer, picking up her medication, and having only an hour left to spend quality time together.

Every day he travels through the woods, through all types of weather. He shovels the snow from the sidewalk, plows the driveway, gets the mail and paper, fixes things around the house, takes the garbage to the end of the driveway every week, and does everything that needs done. All this from a man who has no vested interest except love and respect—to make sure that my mother and I are well, and that there will be something left of me, for him, when my days of care giving are complete.

I mention these things not only because Two Feather is my rock and my foundation, but because he said something to me that day that I wish others could see in me as well. Others, who should see it and should know it, but can’t see past their contempt for me.

He said, “What you’re doing is an honorable thing, Joanne. You’re a good, caring and loving person. People who can’t see the kindness, love, and unselfishness you have in your heart, are not worth your stress.”

He’s right, of course, my daughters have told me the same thing. But there’s that part of me that WAS unwilling to give up. That “STUPID” part of my brain and heart that tells me to keep trying—to try and make people realize I’m not the person they think so lowly of.

It wasn’t until Two Feather said this, that I realized I need to quit trying. It’s not my job to conciliate or placate others to help them understand me. It’s not worth my time to try, and then end up belittled, scorned, or hung up on when I’m trying to speak from my heart. It’s not worth the heartache and stress.

So, I’m going to cherish those who do understand me, those who do make an effort, and those who do know me for who I am. And I’m going to cherish the time I have with my mom and ensure that whatever time she has left on this earth will be filled with the love I have to offer, selflessly. The least I can do for a woman who gave me life is to give it back, day by day, and know in my heart that I’m doing what is best for the safety, welfare, and dignity of a woman who has selflessly shared so much with her children.

I know, even though she may not remember, I’m doing what she requested. And though he’s gone, I know my dad would be proud of me for giving selflessly of myself as they did for us.

So on this very special day, I honor my SO, Two Feather, for all the love, compassion, patience, and selflessness he has shown Mom and me and the two elderly neighbors on the road to my mom’s house. He is truly a blessing to us all and it is with utmost respect and love I say “thank you” for everything you’ve done, said, and kept to yourself, during this difficult time we share.

I cherish each moment I get to spend with you and pray we have many more moments and years together. I love you, Two. Thank you for being you, and for being there for me. Happy Valentine’s Day!