A Whole Bunch of Rambling

I haven’t blogged much lately because…quite frankly—I’m exhausted! After reading Robyn’s post about her mom getting up several times a night, I figured I’d finally talk about what I’ve been going through.

You all know about Mr. N. and how he and Mom have become such “great” friends. Well, this friendship and talking has turned to him holding her hand and kissing her on the cheek. The day care workers thought it was all cute and innocent and nothing indecent. Maybe not indecent, but still, he is a married man, Mom is vulnerable, and I told them I thought they should deter these kinds of actions because I didn’t want my mom to get hurt. I wasn’t only worried about Mom getting her feelings hurt when Mr. N. may put his attention elsewhere, but also I was worried that Mrs. N. may walk in and see this and maybe not be so understanding. I still don’t know if she knows about it.

It’s nice that Mom is enjoying the day care socially, but I spoke with the day care workers several times months ago asking them to discourage the hand holding and kissing. They all told me how Mom and Mr. N. would make plans to go out and how they thought it was so cute. Deep down I knew it was a catastrophe waiting to happen. I know my mom.

Now, another lady is paying attention to Mr. N. and Mom is not happy! For the past two months, Mom has been getting up nearly a dozen times a night talking to Mr. N. in her sleep, getting out of bed, thinking he’s in the living room, thinking this lady is here stealing him. Good grief. I’ve told the day care workers that he is on her mind constantly when she is at home and reminded them once again that they should have discouraged this type of affection between them.

The beginning of last week Mom became aggressive at day care toward the lady who is showing Mr. N. affection. Mom told her to move (in not so nice words) and when the lady argued with her, Mom told her to shut up! At the end of last week Mom became angry again when she saw this woman sitting by him. She clenched her fists and said she was going to go over there and punch the woman (also not in such nice language). The day care workers told me how she’s reacting and said something needs to be done. I said, “I’ve been telling you that for months. Oh, it wasn’t a problem until the snake came out and bit you in the face. I’ve been dealing with her up all night for a few months because of this situation. You are the one’s who thought it was so cute, so you deal with it here without being mean to my mother.”

I suggested that when Mr. N. reaches for Mom’s hand or kisses her on the cheek he be reminded that he is married, and suggested that Mom be reminded that he is married and these type things shouldn’t go on. If Mom didn't have Alzheimer's she wouldn't allow such a thing. She would be horrified if she were in her right mind and knew she was allowing a married man to show her affection. Dancing and talking is one thing, but she wouldn’t allow this. For crying out loud, my dad’s best friend who had been a widower for more than 20 years asked her out and kissed her on the cheek six years after Dad died and she told him off. Poor guy. That relationship would have been nice, but she didn’t want anything to do with it because he had been my dad’s best friend.

So…here I am, up nearly a dozen times every night with her cussing and yelling at Mr. N. and this woman because he’s cavorting with someone else. He’s still mainly interested in Mom but since the day care workers have been trying to change the situation (a little too late) Mom is becoming more and more angry.

Her anger wouldn’t change now even if they let them sit together because Mom would still carry on about the “other” woman. When something really matters to Mom, she doesn’t forget it. I told the day care workers they have to deal with it since they let it go on so long.

Angel came over on Saturday to sit with Mom from 1-4:00 so Two and I could visit a friend of his in Ohio. Nearly two hours driving and an hour visit. We were home by 3:30. It was good for Two to get out and see someone he hasn’t seen since November. The driving wasn’t much fun, but it was good for me to get out into different surroundings for a few hours. I realized how much my social skills are deteriorating. I barely talked and when I did, I stumbled over everything I said. Good grief, I need to get out and talk to people before I lose the ability to speak other than repeating myself all day long.

Sunday we had atrocious winds. The lady from church came and gave Mom communion at 1:00. When she came in the house, she said a tree had fallen over Mom’s driveway and was leaning on the power lines. The lines had been ripped off my neighbor’s house. My brother came at 1:15 and said the same thing. He parked his truck and walked up the drive because he didn’t think he could get under it with his truck. He told me I should call the power company. I said, “Of course, just one more thing for me to do because no one else does anything.” He was going into the hall to pick up the phone (which hasn’t been there for three years) and call the power company and said, “What’s the address here?” “You don’t even know your own mother’s addresss?” I asked. “Nevermind, I’ll call the power company.” He stayed until 3:15. I made Mom dinner and we chatted until 4:30. She was tired and wanted to go to bed. It was probably a good thing that she went to bed a tad earlier because the power went out at 5:00 and didn’t come back on until 7:00. Thank goodness the power came back on in such a short time. I was bored stiff for the two hours it was off trying to read a book with a flashlight. LOL Mom was up ten times during the night. This time she was whispering and telling Mr. N. she hopes he’s happy and then yelling at someone to get the hell away from her. I have no idea who she was talking to then.

Monday morning I had Mom in the car and down the driveway and had to back up all the way to the house. The power company cut the end of the tree off the power lines, tightened the lines, and called me at 1:00 in the morning to find out if our power was back on, but they left the tree on the driveway. I didn't know about the tree until I tried to leave in the morning. I called Two Feather to come down and cut up and move the tree so I could take Mom to day care. I called my brother too, figuring he should do something for a change and help Two, but he didn’t answer his phone. I didn’t bother leaving a message on his answering machine. He was home.

Mom’s medication needs changed because she’s getting the itching side effects from trazadone. The doctor took her off respiradol several months ago and I asked him if he would put her back on it but instead he said to try the trazadone. Mom's moods are worse and she's getting up at night more and more. Now, he’s going to order seroquel. They were suppose to call it in on Monday but the pharmacy said they didn’t. The office was closed by the time the pharmacy called to see what the doctor was going to order. The doctor’s office was closed today probably due to the snow, so I’ll have to call them tomorrow and find out when they will call it in.

I kept Mom home from day care today because it snowed overnight and she (and I) were up all night with her dreams, hallucinations, cussing, and wandering. She was a gem all day. She sat and colored while I went through stacks of receipts and got everything together for her taxes. Next, is getting my Uncle Joe’s paperwork ready and then I can finally get the taxes done. That will be a burden off my mind.

We got about six inches of snow today. Then it turned to freezing rain. I’m not sure what it’s doing out there now, but I can say that I’m truly looking forward to summer. Yes, I said summer. The heck with spring. Let’s just move onto the 70 and 80 degree days. I need a vacation!

Daughter Without a Name, Ice Storms, & Wishing for Spring

Last weekend was a bit crazy and the week that followed wasn’t much better. I posted book reviews instead of talking about the goings on here at Mom’s. Last Sunday when the lady from church was here, she and Mom were talking about family. Mom told her that she had a sister and two brothers and her two brothers were still alive and work together. Alrighty then. Truth is, Mom had one brother and he’s been deceased for more than thirty years. Sunday, I also realized that Mom does know that I’m her daughter, but she had forgotten my name. Every day when I pick her up at day care and she sees me, she says, “There’s my daughter.” Sunday, after the lady from church left, Mom and I were talking. I figured I’d do the little memory quiz that I used to do once every couple weeks. I haven’t quizzed Mom for about two months. At least once a month I would joke with her and ask if she knows who I am and she always said, "You're my daughter." Never thought to ask her if she knew my name. I asked her birthday, address, phone number, all of which she didn’t know the answer. She did remember she was born in October, just not the day and year. I asked her how many kids she has. She did say three. That’s correct.

“What are they?” I asked.
“I think I have three boys,” she said.
I giggled and said, “If you have three boys, who am I?”
“You’re my daughter,” she said.
“Okay. So you can’t have three boys if you have a daughter, Mom.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“What are your kid’s names?”
“I think they are Bob and Ray.”
“What’s my name, Mom?”
She looked at me with such shockingly sad eyes and said, “I don’t know. What is your name?”
“Joanne. My name is Joanne, Mom.”

I knew one day Mom wouldn’t know who I am and I prepared myself for it. I guess it just shocked me that she knows I’m her daughter, but has forgotten my name. I tried to think back to when and how long it’s been since she’s called out to me by name, and I pinpointed it to mid-October when Mom was up and down half the night looking for Mr. N. She would call out to me by name back then, yelling up the steps, “Joanne, are you up there?” She hasn’t called me by name since. Mostly, I’m “her daughter” when she talks about me, and when she talks to me, I’m “honey” or I’m not addressed at all before asking something or looking for me. Wow! It very well could be that she hasn’t known my name for more than three months. We've gone through a few moments at times when she wasn't sure who I am. I've already mentioned those times. Strange, but I think I accepted the fact that she would someday not know me at all more than I accepted her not remembering my name. The two just seem to go together, but I never imagined she’d remember who I am and forget my name. Then again, she can’t understand how my daughter is her granddaughter, so I don’t think I want to ask if she understands what a daughter is. LOL

After realizing Mom didn’t know my name, the whole darn following week just kept getting worse. It was all sort of depressing, actually. I did log in long enough to post a “Happy Birthday” to my dad. That was part of the depressing week. The other part was that I felt lousy. I’m not running a fever and I don’t have a cold. I just felt tired and worn out. My muscles ached more than usual and my legs and knees are killing me. Mom may have Alzheimer’s, but she can certainly pick up on my emotions no matter how hard I try to hide them. She knew I wasn’t feeling well and she kept asking me if there was anything she could do for me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that if she would sleep all night long it would make a world of difference in my longevity.

By the end of the week, I still wasn’t feeling any better. Thursday I just curled up on the couch and slept after taking Mom to day care. Two and I watched a movie and I trudged through the day as if I were a zombie. The weather report showed an ice storm coming through and we were supposed to get hit after midnight. Two and I prepared for not having the day together on Friday.

Friday morning I got up at the usual time. I went downstairs, let Mom’s dog out and he slid off the porch and onto the sidewalk. The porch and sidewalk were solid ice. I got the salt out and sprinkled it over the porch and sidewalk and tested the gravel drive with my foot. It was like an ice rink. These pictures don't show the ice as well as I would have liked. The bushes, power lines, absolutely everything was iced over. Nothing like you guys had in the northwest and central part of the states last month, but still scary on this hill just the same.




I called the day care and they said they were open but I had to tell them that Mom wouldn’t be coming in because we couldn’t get off our hill.

I’ll drive in a foot of snow on Mom’s driveway, but there is no way I’ll drive on ice. You’ve seen pictures of my Mom’s driveway. It’s steep and winding. It’s a beautiful site when the leaves are changing colors and the sun is shining through the clouds, but there’s no way to stop on ice, unless of course you want to slide over the 50+-foot embankment and crash to the bottom. Nope. Not me. When it’s ice, I stay home—and so does Mom.

The ice didn’t thaw from the porch, the sidewalk, the drive, the power lines, and the trees until 4:00 Friday afternoon. Then everything that thawed on Friday froze overnight and left an icy mess this morning, too. I think we may get out of here on Monday morning as long as it doesn’t rain and freeze again.

Am I wishing for spring? You’re darn right I am!

Back to reading and writing my book reviews.