Visit With Uncle Joe & Take Out Dinner

Turn Your Clocks Back

This morning when I got up, I decided it was a good day to visit my Uncle Joe at the nursing home. I don’t get up to see him as often as I used to since Mom finds it more and more difficult to walk distances any longer than 20 feet without tiring out. The walk from the car to the front entrance is three times that long, and the walk from the front entrance to the elevator that takes us to the fourth floor is again twice that long. By the time we reach the sunroom where Uncle Joe sits and reads the daily newspaper, Mom is exhausted.

Uncle Joe wasn’t in the sunroom when we arrived; he was in his room. Nurses were taking care of a patient in his room, so we couldn’t go in and the nurse told Joe we were waiting outside the door.

I had gone to the nursing home to visit twice to see Joe without Mom along, while Mom was at day care, because she was just learning to use her walker. It had been two months since I took Mom with me. He was happy to see us when he came out of his room.

He wheeled himself down the hall to the sunroom and Mom walked with her walker to the seat I’d placed at his table. We sat and talked for nearly two hours before Mom said she was tired and wanted to go home. During the visit, Mom kept saying, “I hate this place.” She gets upset listening to some of the patients loudly repeating sentences over and over again.

I always get a bit depressed after visiting with Uncle Joe because he used to be so independent and was able to come and go as he pleased when he lived in his own apartment. Had I not been taking care of Mom at the time he became ill, I would have moved him into my house and took care of him. Under the circumstances, I couldn’t take care of two elderly loved ones and he knew that. He even told me he was better off in the nursing home because I have my hands full with taking care of Mom and he knew he could no longer live alone.

He’s adjusted very well in the year and a half he’s been there. Because he is given his medications at proper times and he eats three well-balanced meals a day, he is doing quite well. Still, I hate the thought of him being there.

Our visit ended about 3:30 and I hadn’t taken anything out for dinner so I stopped at the Kentucky Fried Chicken to bring home dinner. Mom said, “Make sure you get something for Two Feather. He has to eat, too.”

I said, “Okay, I’m sure he’ll like that.”

“Maybe he’ll come down and eat with us,” she said smiling.

When we got home, I called Two Feather and told him we stopped, brought dinner home, and Mom wanted him to come down and eat with us. As I mentioned before, he seldom eats dinner at Mom’s house, but when she invites him, he never disappoints her. We ate dinner and Two Feather left to go home since he knew I’d be getting Mom showered and dressed for bed.

All in all, it was a nice day, a nice dinner, (especially since I didn’t have to cook it) and Mom was happy to crawl into bed by the time the day was over.

After Mom was in bed, I ran around the house and turned the clocks back an hour. I always do this before I go to bed so the correct time is on all the clocks when we wake up. So for those of you who use Daylight Saving Time, don’t forget to turn your clocks back tonight…or in the morning if you’re a procrastinator. :)

Tomorrow I plan to finish writing the book reviews for the books I've read. You'll see them as soon as I complete them.

Went to See Uncle Joe & Dealing With Dilemmas

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Went to see my Uncle Joe at the nursing home. Mom and I enjoyed sitting outside with him for the afternoon. It was the last hot dog roast for the summer. We all enjoyed our hot dogs and sat on the bench outside until about 3:30. Joe was in good spirits but sad to see us leave. I’m thankful that he understands Mom gets tired and I neededed to get her home.

We were home by 4:00 and Mom was exhausted from sitting and talking all day and walking the 30 feet (twice) from the front entrance of the nursing home to the car.

She wasn’t hungry because she ate the hot dog at 3:00, so I made a small salad and she ate about half of it before she started dozing off at the table. It took until 5:00 to get her cleaned up and dressed for bed. Once she was comfortable in bed, she was snoring by 5:15.

Mom gets worn out easily from doing practically nothing. I sit and listen to her breathing and realize that it won’t be long before she’s unable to visit with me when I go to see Joe. The ride, the walk from the car to the front entrance of the home, and sitting trying to think of things to talk about is exhausting for her.

Tonight I sit and contemplate all that has gone on lately and I wished for others to understand what she’s going through, what it takes to be a caregiver for her as she goes through the stages of Alzheimer's Disease, and I try once more to relax and take advantage of the time she sleeps. I begin to question myself, and wonder if I’ve done the best thing for Mom by keeping her in her home, in her own environment, and trying to keep her memory for as long as possible. When I’ve hashed out all the problems I’ve dealt with that aren’t associated directly with keeping Mom safe, warm, loved, and comfortable, I come to the same conclusion. I’m doing the right thing. I’m doing exactly what Mom asked me to do. Now, if I could just continue to keep telling myself that, my job of care giving would be so much easier. I need to remember that I do not need to explain my decisions to those who don’t agree with me, I do not need to explain why I have to keep Mom on a schedule, and I do not need to be everyone's "excuse" for what they do not understand or do not want to accept. I can only send information about the disease, let them know that they are responsible for learning what they can and they are responsible for their own feelings of inadequacy. If they don't feel they see her often enough, maybe they should pick up the phone once a week rather than once every 4-6 weeks when it's convenient for them. I’ve tried everything from bending over backwards, to being blunt, to ending up in an argument—none of these courses I’ve tried have made a difference.

I’ve finally reached the point where I have to ignore the problem people, continue to do what I’ve been doing for Mom and make sure I begin to take care of myself as well. I cannot let people who don’t understand Alzheimer's Disease and its many ups and downs, upset me and possibly endanger my health. If that happens, there would be no one to care for Mom.