The Last Month of the Year

Here it is the last month of the year and I sit wondering where the year has gone. As I look back at some of my earlier posts, I become more and more aware of Mom’s mental and physical decline. She rarely knows my name. She sometimes know I’m her daughter, and even when she utters the word, she doesn’t comprehend that me being her daughter means that she is my mother.

Most of the time, Mom has no idea where she is, even when she’s home, and I’m just a nice, pretty lady who sits and talks with her and treats her very good.

We’re no longer living with a moment-to-moment memory—we’re living second-to-second. It is so heartbreaking watching Alzheimer’s take her mind.

The day care is decorating for Christmas. They already have an artificial tree decorated. On Friday, they said they wanted a small, real pine tree (a Charlie Brown tree) to set beside a cardboard fireplace decoration. I told them I could help them with that. Two and I will be cutting down a small tree and donating it to the day care on Monday.

Mom and I went to Angel’s house Saturday to watch Angel and Tim put up their Christmas tree. Their light strings were giving them problems, so we got to visit while they sorted through what worked and what didn’t. Katie was napping most of the time we were there, but we had the chance to visit with her when she woke up. She was putting together a puzzle of the United States just before we left.

I’m sure I’ll get to see their tree decorated sometime during the holidays. The tree they bought was beautifully shaped. I’m sure by the end of the evening it was filled with beautiful lights and ornaments as well.

Some Fun, Some Not So Fun, Some Sad--July Update

July began with me not feeling well. I was aching from head to toe. There was no cold or sneezing, just a deep congested cough coming straight from my chest. I knew immediately the weather in June made a home in my lungs with bronchitis. An appointment with my doctor and a chest x-ray on the 15th confirmed it. I was put on antibiotics for two weeks.

My daughter, Stacey, and her family came up from Alabama for a visit on the 24th. They visited with us all day on the 25th while Mom was at club. Two Feather was cleaning up the branches from the big oak that was left lay by the loggers in the lower yard.



Stacey’s husband, Dennis, was throwing the small branches onto the wagon and Stacey drove the Mule behind the house where we threw the branches and brush over the hill in a large gully.



Trinity and Quenton helped throw branches, too. Tux, Stacey's dog, had to get in the action, too. They were having fun helping Pap Pap and Bammaw clean up GG’s (great grandma’s) yard.

On the 26th, Stacey, Dennis, Trinity, and Quenton came over and spent the entire day visiting with Mom and on the 27th they came back again with Angel, Tim and Katie and visited most of the day.



I managed to get everyone in the picture. Of course, there are two people missing in the picture; I was taking the picture and Two Feather ran up to our house to bring Ricky the raccoon down to meet the family.

Angel and Katie met Ricky in June. This is a picture of them.


The kids loved petting him.



Mom thought he was adorable and held him on her lap for a while. Her eyes lit up when he crawled onto her shoulder and squeaked.



She thought it was great that we nursed him back to health and that he was so small, cute, and cuddly. She just loved him.



I snapped of shot of Angel and Stacey playing ring-around-the-rosy with Katie, Trinity, and Quenton. Shortly after, the girls announced they were leaving because they knew Mom was getting tired. They planned to go out for dinner and left so I could get Mom something to eat and keep her on her schedule. It’s times like this that I miss being able to get up and go and spend more time with my kids and grandkids, but I’m very thankful that they recognize the signs of Mom growing tired and understand the need to keep her on her schedule. Mom is only able to take so much out-of-routine and more-than-normal crowd around her for so long. You caregivers know what I mean; anything and anyone out of the ordinary seems to mentally fatigue our loved ones that much more.

Monday the 28th I took Mom to day care and I went to my doctor because my bronchitis wasn’t much better. He gave me another seven-day prescription and insisted that I take care of myself for a change. I wasn’t getting the rest I needed for the antibiotics to work properly. It was either place Mom in the ALF or I would end up in the hospital and have to place her anyway. I called the ALF to take her in the next morning. After I dropped her off, I went to my house and slept and rested the rest of that day and all of the next.

Angel and Stacey wanted to go to the local amusement park, Kennywood, on the 30th. Angel, Tim, and Katie were meeting us there after work. I told them Two Feather and I would go along and watch the grandkids while my daughters and their husbands rode rides that the munchkins were too small for. After all, I’d only be walking around and the temperature was in the high 80’s so what harm could it do?

Two and I took the kids to Kiddieland to ride the kid’s rides. Trinity, Quenton, and Katie had so much fun riding the rides. I rode a few of the rides with them.

While Angel, Tim, Stacey, and Dennis rode the roller coasters, Two and I bought the kids drinks and a funnel cake with powdered sugar on it. Between sharing the funnel cake and talking with our grandchildren, we kept them occupied until my daughters were off the rides.



I thought it was cute that Angel kept calling me from the cell phone asking if we and the kids were okay and letting me know where they were in line and how long it would be before they came back.

The day was beautiful. I even road a few of the rides, too. I rode on the King Kahuna, which swings up in the air and upside down. There was a harness that came down over the shoulders and locked in position and it had handgrips to hold onto. It wasn’t too bad.

I love amusement parks! I love roller coasters and thrilling rides, but I can’t go on those type rides anymore since I have a plate in my neck. I’ve never been afraid to go on any ride…ever.

The last ride of the day, before we left, was the Phantom’s Revenge. I’m thankful Angel had gone on it prior to her convincing me to go on one last ride. She said I’d love it and she went on it with me. She hadn’t bothered to tell me there was no harness or handgrips. It was a long panel of seats in a row—something like movie theater seats. The only difference was it had a skimpy seatbelt and it swung high up in the air. Not too bad, I thought as it started swinging. Then, Angel said, “It’s not over yet!” When I asked, “What do you mean?” She giggled and said, “You’ll see.”

The ride swung higher and higher, and my heart felt like it was in my throat when the next swoop took us so high that we were facing the cement beneath us. I couldn’t wait for the ride to be over! Never in all my years of riding amusement park rides has there ever been a ride I wouldn’t go on again. There is now! I won’t even repeat what came out of my mouth as my heart jumped in my throat with each swing. When I walked up to Two after I got off the ride, I said, “That was terrifying! There was nothing to hold on to. Never again!”

Angel asked someone take a picture of all of us before we left the park. I'll have to get that picture from her.

It felt good to get home, take a hot shower, and cuddle up on the couch. I was tired from walking all day, but we had a wonderful time.

On the 31st I asked everyone to meet us at a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I wanted to take them all out to dinner to celebrate Angel and Tim’s wedding anniversary (which was on the 29th)
and Stacey’s birthday (which would be on August 3rd). Stacey was leaving on Friday morning and I wanted to be able to spend time with everyone before she left.

All in all, July wasn’t too, too bad. My bleeding ulcer is being treated with two medications. The abnormality in my blood was diagnosed and I had another small surgery at the beginning of the month. There are a few other things I need to take care of that I wouldn’t mind telling my friends about, but I really don’t feel comfortable putting it out here for nosey eyes to read. Let’s just say, things are going as well as can be expected and I will persevere!

On another note, a dear friend of ours passed away, another friend’s daughter had a gorgeous baby girl, our loving cat, Coffee, died this month, and the logging was completed on July 7th.

Be back as soon as possible with the next update. I’ll try to cram August and September into one post so I can get back to regular posting. Keeping all of you in my prayers.

It's Been A Long Three Months -- Catching Up -- May

It’s been a long three months!!! A lot has happened since I last posted. I apologize for the worry I had caused all of you dear friends and faithful readers. Had I felt well enough to post before now, I would have.

Let me first thank all of you for your concern, e-mails, notes and phone calls. You are all amazing people and it does a heart good to know there are so many wonderful caring people out there. Thank you!!!!

I suppose I need to bring everyone up to date. I’ll do that with several smaller posts rather than ramble on for pages since it’s been so long since I updated.

Let me start by telling you what took place in the last few weeks of May after I posted last. Believe me, this alone will be long enough for now.

Two Feather did set up his Native American art at the Nationality Day Festival between May 16-18th. Our friends, Ed and Ellen Strano, of Strano Remodeling offered Two Feather half of their store front in town so Two Feather could set up inside.

I scheduled a stay at the ALF for Mom between May 15th and the 26th so Two and I could work together at the festival and go to the Memorial Day Weekend Powwow in Columbus, Ohio the following weekend.

The turn out for Nationality Days was great! The Beaver County Times featured Two Feather in the Saturday morning paper and even more people showed up to see his art after that.



He sold his Indian art and I sat outside the storefront and did Indian face painting on faces of children and adults. During the three days, I painted more than 150 faces and Two Feather did well selling his art and talking to visitors about Indian lore.

Angel, Tim, Katie and Tim’s parents came to the festival on Sunday so Two and I could give Katie her birthday present. Katie’s birthday was on Friday the 16th. She turned two! Since we were set up at the festival from morning until late evening, they all came to see us on Sunday.


Katie loved her birthday present and loved getting her face painted. Believe it or not, out of all the faces I painted during the weekend, Katie was the only one who sat completely still as I painted. I painted a butterfly on her face. Butterfly is the Indian name Two Feather gave her.



The Nationality Days weekend was wonderful!

Between May 19th and 22nd we packed the camper and got everything ready for our Memorial Day Weekend Powwow in Columbus, Ohio.
Just before we were ready to leave on Friday, my neighbor called and informed us that her brother had passed away. You’ve heard me speak of him before. He was the son of the 102-year-old neighbor who passed away in January. We’ll miss seeing Billy standing by the driveway waving to us as we drive by.

Two and I had a great time at the Memorial Day Powwow. Angel, Tim, and Katie came down to Columbus and camped by us and stayed the weekend.



All of them came into the dance circle and danced with us too.



Two Feather’s daughter’s Nikki and Tricia and her husband, Gabe and their son, Evan (Fast Deer), came down for a day. It was nice having three of our eight kids there with us.

That brings us to the end of May. I had full intentions of posting right after Memorial Day weekend, but I didn’t seem to find the time to get online. Then, June was loaded with things. Some good. Some not so good. Some fun. Some not so fun. Some bad. I’ll get to all that in my next post.

In the meantime, please know that I appreciate each and every one of you and I’ll try to do better at updating if I’m not posting as regularly as I used to. No matter what goes on from this point on, I’ll at least post and “I’m still around” comment or have someone do it for me. Love you all!!

The Rash Is Gone

Not much new here lately. Mom’s rash is gone. The antihistamine and the anti-itch cream must have done the job. It's been gone since Friday. The dermatologist couldn’t fit her in until this week and they said to cancel the appointment if the rash was gone by then. So I guess we’ll never know what it was. I’m just glad it’s gone and the itching is over with.

We're seeing more robins and the woodpeckers are starting their drumming on the trees. The daffodils are poking out of the ground at Mom's house. It's starting to look like spring here. My place sits in the woods and doesn't get much sun, so there's still four inches of snow on the ground and it still looks like winter up there.

Angel, Tim, and Katie visited on Sunday. Other than that, it’s been quiet around here and I don’t have much to say.

Just wanted to let everyone know we’re doing okay here.

Christmas Shopping, Christmas Cards and Who’s …?

Mom received several cards yesterday. She didn’t know who they were from.

The conversation went like this:

Look Mom, here’s a card from Bill.

Who’s Bill?

He was the best man at your wedding.

Why can’t I remember that?

Here’s one from Alma.

Who’s Alma?

Ardis’ sister.

Who’s Ardis?

Boot’s mom.

Who’s Boots?

Bob’s wife.

Who’s Bob?

Bob is my brother, your son.

It’s heartbreaking to know that she’s fading away day by day. Bob just called this weekend, too. But that didn’t ring a bell either.

Today she received two more cards.

Here’s a card from Larry.

He’s a cousin, isn’t he?

Yes, Mom. He’s your cousin.

Here’s one from Kary.

Who’s Kary?

Bob’s daughter.

Who’s Bob.

We went through all the cards and the same conversation all over again. By the time she asked, “Who’s so and so” for the fourth time, she literally laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. After we went through the cards again, we were both laughing so hard she put the cards aside. Then she said, “It’s nice of these people to send cards whoever they are.”

I pulled out a box of Christmas cards and got ready to start addressing them to those who sent to her. She said, “I’m not sending cards to people I don’t know. What are these cards for anyway?”

I set the box of cards aside. My heart just wasn’t in it.

Two has been trying, but even with all the shopping and wrapping I still can’t seem to get into the Christmas spirit. Gee, I wonder why. It’s difficult trying to celebrate a holiday when Mom seems to have lost the concept of everything. Thanksgiving came and went and she had no clue what Thanksgiving was. I don’t think Christmas is going to be much different.

On another note: The 12 days of hell weren’t all bad. My daughter, Angel, visited both weekends and we enjoyed spending time with her, Katie and Tim. Katie is growing so fast and picking up so many new words. It’s always a joy to have them visit and Mom enjoys watching Katie play with the pillows on her couch and look through magazines.

On December 7th, Two and I celebrated our fifth year together by going out for breakfast, and we spent the day shopping. Two saved his money from his last four wood sales and managed to get all his Christmas shopping done for his six kids and seven grandchildren and his parents. We also bought presents for my daughter, Stacey, her husband, Dennis and her three kids, Trinity, Quenton, and Deandre, in Alabama. We wrapped everything and sent all the presents Monday. I still have to buy for Angel, Katie and Tim and Mom and Two. I probably wouldn’t have all Stacey’s family bought for already if it wasn’t that I had to mail everything.

Trinity surprised me with a phone call last week. She sounds so grown up on the phone. She wanted to know what size shirt Two wears so she could get him something for Christmas. I thought that was so sweet.

I’ve yet to visit Stacey and the kids in Alabama and I still haven’t seen their house. It’s not a trip I can take Mom along on. Two never gets to see his kids either, unless they come here. The trip to see them is too much for Mom as well. He sacrifices so much to support me in taking care of Mom. He’s yet to see two of his grandchildren.

Oh yes, in case you lost count, between the two of us, Two and I have eight kids and 10 grandchildren and one on the way. We’re getting old! LOL I just hope that he and I are not too old to make the trip to visit everyone when this journey is over.

One more thing: I did manage to get a few books read in the wee hours of the morning when Mom was up and down. So, I’ll be posting a few more book reviews as soon as I type them up from my handwritten versions.

And...Yay! The furnace is finally fixed.

I Give Thanks

The turkey was in the oven and roasting as Mom slept. Two Feather came down and we sat upstairs sipping our morning coffee and talking about the two Thanksgiving dinners I’d prepared at our house. We’d only been together two years when I moved in with Mom to take care of her. Since then, we’ve had all our holiday meals here at her house. We talked about how we were just getting to know each other and learning how to live with each other when I had to move here; and we talked about how we’ll need to learn that all over again when the time comes for me to move back.

I have so much to be thankful for. Not just today, but every day. Every day is difficult for Two Feather and I being apart, but holidays are an especially difficult time. He’s been so very patient with me in my care giving for Mom and I know he’s terribly lonely each evening as he sits in our house alone while I’m down here at Mom’s. I’m so thankful that he’s as understanding and caring as he is. For him, I give thanks; for without him, his support, and his shoulder to cry on, my care giving would be so much more difficult.

I had a very loving and caring father who made so many wonderful memories for me. Everything I know about carpentry, roofing, electrical work, plumbing, butchering, farming, gardening—well everything I know about almost everything, I learned from him. Mom taught me all the ladylike things, like cooking, cleaning, ironing, baking, and canning. They both taught me to be respectful, honest, and true to myself. For my parents, I give thanks. I couldn’t have asked for better parents if I were to pick them out myself.

I miss my dad terribly during the holidays, and in the ten years that he’s been gone; my mom has taken his chair at the head of the table, whether dinner was at my house or hers. Today, as everyone filled their plates with the holiday dinner, I thought how lucky I am to be here—to still be alive to enjoy each and every day with my family, whether it is at a dinner table or a conversation on the phone. Stacey called this morning and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. Trinity and Quenton got on the phone and I talked to them, too. I give thanks that the Creator allowed me to live to have two wonderful daughters of my own, who in turn gave me grandchildren. For my life, my children, and my grandchildren, I give thanks.

I thought of all my caregiver friends and said a silent prayer for those who would be spending their first Thanksgiving without their loved ones. I wished for them to have a happy holiday knowing that their loved ones are at peace, and hoped they would be surrounded with love. And I wished a “good day” for those who are still caring for their loved ones. For my caregiver friends and all their support, I give thanks. I hope your day was as wonderful as mine was.

Quietly I watched everyone eat dinner; Katie sitting at the table eating with grown up silverware, and everyone adding to their plates. I paid particular attention to Mom. I’d filled Mom’s plate with a little of everything from each bowl, and with each spoonful said a silent prayer of thanks for another day with Mom, my family, and for the food. The most anyone said while eating was how good everything tasted. We were too busy eating to say much else.



Each time Mom took a bite of food she told me everything was delicious and thanked me for making the meal. After each bite she would look up at everyone around the table, look down at her plate, fill her fork, and tell me it was delicious. I watched and listened each time she filled her fork. By the time everyone was finished eating, Mom had finished her whole plate of food, too! She said, “That was delicious, honey. I’m full.” I said, “I’m so proud of you, Mom. That’s the most you’ve eaten in a long time.” She said, “Really?” I said, “Really! And I’m so happy you ate so well.”

I turned my head to hide my tears. Two Feather saw them. I know he knew what the tears were for. Angel and Tim saw them, too. I’m pretty sure they knew why I had tears in my eyes, too.

For Mom eating, I give thanks.

Love you, everyone. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Busy Four Days

I haven’t posted since Saturday, so I figured I’d better catch everyone up to speed. Sunday Angel, Tim, and Katie moved their belongings into their new house just eight miles from me. I took Mom and Two Feather over about 11:00 AM so Two could help them carry things in. Mom sat on their couch and colored while everyone was walking by carrying furniture and boxes.

Angel asked me to bring my Pack N Play with us so Katie could lie down for her nap because they wouldn’t have time to put the crib together. Tim’s mom fed her lunch and I put her down for her nap. Within minutes of me singing to her, she was sleeping.

Shortly after that about 1:10 we had to leave because Mom was tired. Most everything was moved into the house by then anyway. They were going to get something to eat and go back over to Tim's Mom's house to watch the football game. Angel said they weren’t going to worry about putting things away yet because she was leaving to go back to Mechanicsburg to finish out her job and they weren't staying at the house until tonight. Probably just as well Mom got tired since I wasn’t feeling well.

Monday I had to run over to Angel’s house to let the water meter reader in, then I went back to my house and curled up on the couch still not feeling well. Two Feather moved more wood all day.

I picked Mom up from day care early to take her to her regular doctor’s appointment. It was scheduled for 3:45 but we didn’t get in to see her doctor until 4:00. She was tired and getting impatient waiting. He told me everything seemed to be going as well as could be expected and he wasn’t going to change or add any medications. He did say that if she was having a hard time swallowing that I could crush the pills and open the capsules and put them in her food. I told him I have been doing that for about a month already. He commended me for keeping her in her own home and keeping her active with the day care. “You’re doing a fine job with your mom,” he said. It felt good to hear that from her doctor. He told me I looked tired, asked how I was holding up, and asked if I had gone to any caregiver support group meetings yet. I told him I was doing okay, I hadn’t been to any meetings because they are all in the evening and I have no one to sit with Mom. I told him that I am involved with a group of caregivers online and we do quite well at helping support each other. He was pleased to hear that and told me if I decided to go to meetings personally to let him know and he would get a list out to me. “Without family help, Joanne, you need some type of support,” he added. He said when Mom starts to get weaker and I felt she wasn’t able to go to day care anymore that I was to call him. He reminded me that due to her weight loss hospice would do a re-evaluation and whenever I wanted to have hospice come in to let him know and he would write the prescription for it. I said thank you and would let him know when we get to that point. He wrote up a prescription for blood tests and asked me to have them done before we left, so we went down to the lab and waited an hour and twenty minutes before they finally took the blood needed for her tests. It’s a good thing I thought in advance and had a sandwich and snacks with me so Mom could eat while we waited. She was exhausted and fell asleep in the car. We got home at 7:00 and she couldn’t wait to get in bed. She went to sleep within seconds of her head hitting that pillow.

She must have been really exhausted because she never got up once during the night. I took her to day care on Tuesday and went home and curled up on the couch again because I still wasn’t feeling well. I have this horrible back pain, an aching pain between my shoulder blades that just won’t go away. Last night after Mom was in bed I planned to do some writing but I just didn’t feel up to it. I stretched out on the bed with a heating pad on my back and went to sleep. I have a chiropractor appointment on Tuesday and my PCP appointment right after, so I guess I’ll find out what the root of the problem is then.

Today the pain isn’t any better. The pain was so bad today I nearly passed out, I would have gone to the ER but I have no one to take care of Mom if they decided to admit me. Instead of worrying about it, I do what I always do--made myself busy to keep my mind off of things. I started getting things prepared for tomorrow’s dinner. I made two pumpkin pies and a cherry pie and I baked the green been casserole and candied yams.



Two Feather moved more wood while I was cooking at Mom’s house. He stopped in now and then to make sure I was okay. The house smelled so good with the pies baking we both said we couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving dinner because the aroma was making us hungry. He sat at the table and talked with me for a while and when he felt I didn’t look as pale as I had earlier, he went out to move more wood.

I also peeled potatoes, tore apart three loaves of bread, chopped up celery and onion and mixed the stuffing so it’s ready to stuff the turkey in the morning. All I’ll have to do is get up in the morning, clean, stuff, and cook the bird, put the potatoes on the stove to cook, and brown the dinner rolls. Everything else is done and will just need to be heated.

Today when I picked up Mom at day care I was called aside by the nurse. She said the clients were talking about Thanksgiving and their families and she wanted to let me know what Mom had said. Evidently, Mom told everyone that besides her daughter (me), who takes care of her, she has two sons, but they live out of the country and that’s why she never sees or hears from them. Funny how Alzheimer’s can cause them to make up something in their own minds that’s easier to believe or accept. Truth is her oldest son in North Carolina just called Sunday. It had been three weeks since he called, and her other son, who only lives a spit through the woods hasn’t been to see her since August 25th and hasn’t called since September 21. I guess for her it’s easier to say they live out of the country than to make excuses for them.

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner. It will be nice to have someone in the house at the dinner table besides just Mom and me for a change. Two Feather, Angel, Tim, and Katie will be there. I’m anxious to see how much Mom will eat. I guess I’m hoping Thanksgiving dinner and all the wonderful aromas will make a difference in her appetite. We’ll see.

The only thing that we’ll be missing at our dinner table is Stacey, Dennis, Deandre, Trinity, and Quenton. We’ll miss you!!! Love you all.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Another Good Day

This morning Mom woke up and complained of being tired and wanted to go back to sleep. I made her breakfast, but she didn’t eat much. Her appetite is less and less these days. After breakfast we went into the living room and she looked through a few magazines that my friend Betsy sent to us. She loved looking at the old pictures. I read her a few of the stories and she decided she wanted to color a picture. Before Alzheimer's, you'd only find Mom coloring when my daughters were young, but she sat for about two hours coloring while I ran back and forth doing the laundry and checking on her.

It was such a beautiful day today I couldn’t resist talking Mom into sitting on the porch for a while.

Mom enjoyed sitting outside talking in the fresh air and warm breeze. Her dog and cat stayed close beside her feet. The cat is an outside cat, but always comes around for attention when we come outside. Mostly he comes to the porch when he sees us because he thinks he’s going to get fed. When he sniffed his empty bowl and flopped down on the porch by Mom’s feet, he looked a bit disappointed, but his ears perked up when Mom reached to pet him.

Angel, Tim, and Katie came over again today and visited for about an hour. They sat outside with us and told us about the houses they visited and decided to make an offer on one of them.
Katie was as cute as ever playing with her Elmo doll and walking over to pet Mom’s dog and giggling when he licked her hand.


Mom ate a fairly good dinner tonight. It was the most she’d eaten all weekend. Katie loved the roasted chicken, stuffing, baked sweet potato, and broccoli.

After the kids left, Mom said it was time for her to go to bed. She said she was “full and tired” so we went through our bedtime routine and by the time she was dressed for bed she was exhausted. She said she was looking forward to going back to “club” tomorrow. Club is what she calls the adult day care. Mom’s never been an early riser, but she never seems to complain when it’s time to get up for club. She enjoys the activities they have there. I’m so happy that she thinks of it as a senior club and doesn’t realize it’s a day care for the elderly. On days she’s at day care, when I’m not running errands, grocery shopping, or cleaning the houses, it’s the only time I’m able to get any restful sleep or relaxation. Both Mom and I benefit from this respite care.

Visits and Smiles Are Priceless

My daughter, Angel, her husband Tim, and my granddaughter Katie came in again this weekend. Third visit in four weeks. It’s great seeing them when they come in. Mom always enjoys their visits. They stay for an hour or so and leave when they know Mom looks and sounds tired.

They’re looking at houses this weekend because they are planning to move back to this area. Their camper will be parked here at Mom’s for a while until they find a house and move it to their new home.

Seeing her camper sitting in the yard makes me think of camping and the last trip when we took Mom to a Powwow over Labor Day weekend 2006. We’ve always included Mom in everything we do, and wanted to continue taking her places for as long as we could. We found out that weekend even short trips for a few days only added to her confusion and frustration from this horrible disease Alzheimer’s. Staying in a camper only confused her more. It took a week for her to realize she was back home and things were never the same after that; Alzheimer’s was stealing her mind bit-by-bit, memory-by-memory.

Now, we enjoy each day here on our wonderful piece of heaven in our own backyard. It’s peaceful, quiet, melancholy, and beautiful. Mom is quite satisfied staying at home, even if most of the time she doesn’t realize it is her home.

This weekend would have been a lovely weekend to go on a camping trip. The cool soft breeze, beautiful changes in the color of the trees, and sitting by a small brook or river sounds so inviting. We all look forward to the day when we’re able to load up the campers and meet for a weekend rendezvous again, but we’re all quite content enjoying the time we have with Mom in our little slice of nature here at home.

Katie is learning all sorts of new words. She's now asking, "What's that?" and "What's this?" as she points to different things. She says, "GG" and points to my mom. My grandchildren have called Mom 'GG' since they learned how to talk. It's much easier than saying great-grandma. My other granddaughter, Trinity, couldn't get out the "grandma" for me; it ended up coming out as "Bammaw" so that's the name that's sticking for me. Katie hasn't mastered it yet, but she's getting there.

None of us would trade the time we have with Mom now for anything. Just seeing the smile on her face when her granddaughters and great-grandchildren come to visit is worth the time we spend with her. Her smile is priceless and it will be imbedded in our hearts and minds forever.

Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

I got Mom up at 9:30 as usual to begin her day. Instead of the normal, “Good morning, Mom, it’s time to get up,” I began her day with, “Good morning, Mom. Happy Birthday!!”

I’d been telling her all week that her birthday was Saturday, they even sang Happy Birthday to her at the Adult Day Care yesterday, but she didn’t remember. She started her birthday off with a bang. Three trips to the bathroom and before she even had the chance to eat breakfast; we’d already cleaned her up and changed her clothes three times. I felt so bad for her. She becomes angry with herself, then becomes embarrassed, then feels bad that I have to clean her up. My heart wrenches when she has those few lucid moments and realizes that she has no control over her functions. I truly hate this disease Alzheimer’s and what it is taking from my mom. If there is anything good about Alzheimer’s disease, it is the fact that our loved ones don’t remember the embarrassment; the next moment is a new moment and it’s as if what happened before never happened—because it’s lost from their memory.

Breakfast was scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, juice and coffee. She loved her breakfast and ate nearly half of it.

Two Feather came down after breakfast and gave her a card he’d made and picked wildflowers for her and gave them to her. She loved both the flowers and card.


She kept telling him what a nice person he is and how she’s so lucky to have him in her life. He was thanked at least a half dozen times for the card and flowers. Mom just loves Two Feather so much. He always makes her smile and brightens her day.

While Two was there, I gave Mom the four new pair of pants we bought her. I’d written a poem for her, but she had a hard time reading it. It wasn’t just the size of the type; she was having a difficult time figuring out the words. So I read it to her.

Happy Birthday, Mom © Joanne D. Kiggins 2007

Mom, when the Creator gave you life,
I’m sure he had a plan.
For you to be a mother and a wife,
and mainstay of this clan.

Through the years,
you’ve taught me right from wrong.
Through good times and tears,
you’ve helped me to be strong.

You’ve given me joy in my heart
and made my life so full.
I’m so thankful for being just one part
of your wonderful world.

You watched me grow from a little girl,
to the woman I am today.
Through your eyes I’ve seen this world
and we continue on our way.

Through the years you’ve listened, loved and cared,
showing me what was in your heart.
I thank you for all we’ve shared
and giving me that precious part.

I only hope over the years,
I’ve been the best I could be.
Making you laugh more than giving you tears;
being as good for you, as you’ve been for me.

So Mom, through the years and on this special day,
you’ve been led through the Creator’s plan.
Over all the years, forever, and today
you’ve been the most precious part of this clan.

Yes, Mom we’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve made time fly.
Best friends are we, you and me.

HAPPY BIRHTDAY MOM!!! I love you!

Mom listened to each word as I read and with each word more tears flowed. Knowing that she understood even part of what I’d read touched us all deeply. She reached for me and hugged my neck and said, “Thank you so much, honey. That was beautiful. Thank you for everything.”

She thanked Two Feather again for the card and flowers, told him she loved him, and he excused himself to go off to work chopping wood again.

After all the tears were dried, I placed all the cards in front of her that she received in the mail. There was a card from her neighbors, her pen pal, my daughter Stacey & her family, a card from my oldest brother with pictures they’d taken of him and Mom and his wife and Mom during their recent visit, and a card from my other brother and his wife. We placed all the cards on the dining room table as we always do and we leaned the pictures against candleholders in the living room where she could see them everyday.

My daughter Angel called about noon and asked if they could visit about 1:30 or 2:00 and I told her that would be fine since the OT nurse would be gone by then.

The OT nurse came about 12:45. She asked Mom to show her how she gets up out of her chair in the kitchen and living room. Then they went to the bedroom for a demonstration of how she gets in and out of bed. Then, she was instructed to go to the bathroom to show the nurse how she gets in and out of the bathtub for a shower. Mom chuckled and asked, “With my clothes on?”

We all chuckled about that and the nurse explained she just wanted to see how well Mom does with her daily needs around the house. Of course, since Mom had been up for three hours, she was a bit more limber and performed all the transfers fairly well. The nurse asked if she was always able to move this freely and Mom said, “No. Not really. But I’m awake now.”

The OT nurse said she’d be coming back a few more times but would have to call the insurance company to find out how many times Mom was allotted therapy and she would call to schedule her next visit next week sometime. She was finished and left at 1:25.

My oldest brother called, as I was ready to walk the nurse to the door. He and I talked for a few minutes, I told him how Mom was doing with all the therapy, and I gave the phone to Mom.

Angel, Tim, and Katie came at 1:30. They gave her a card and a new shirt.


Alzheimer’s is such a thieving disease. It not only affects our loved ones, it affects the family members as well. We never did take Mom out for dinner because she was still having bathroom problems while Angel and Tim were there and she was worn out from the OT nurse being there.

We even managed to talk Katie into sitting on Mom’s lap for a picture. Angel, Tim and Katie left about 3:15 when Mom said she was tired. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Maybe we’ll take her out for lunch if all goes well.

Stacey called, but her cell wouldn’t hold a signal so she said she’d call back tomorrow.

I heated up one of the meals I’d made on one of my “all-night” cooking sprees when Mom was roaming through the house a few weeks ago after nightmares. Those prepared meals made it really convenient to pull out two stuffed chicken breast dinners, with carrots. I had a package of sugar free cupcakes and put a candle in one for Mom’s birthday treat. She thought that was a great idea. She was only able to take a few bites of the cupcake after eating dinner, so we wrapped it up to save it for tomorrow.

All in all, Mom’s birthday went very well. She enjoyed the cards, and the visits from Two Feather and my daughter and her family, but in between each she still didn’t remember it was her birthday, even immediately after opening her cards and gifts.

Mom was in bed and loudly snoring by 5:15. She’d had a busy and happy birthday!

Oh yes, Laura, I did tell Mom you said, “Happy Birthday.” She said, “Tell your friend thank you.”

By the way, yesterday, Two Feather spent the entire day working on the Mule and got it fixed. No need to call for service! And no, Laura, it's not a "live" mule. LOL

Mowing & Anxious to Read Into The Mist by Deborah Uetz

Today, we started working on filling in ruts on the path from my house to my Mom’s. With all the rainfall we’ve had lately, the water gushes down the path and has begun to make the ruts larger. We got a good bit done, but we had to stop working on that so we’d have time to get the mowing done at Mom’s house.

Two Feather loaded our riding mower on the wagon and put the push mower in the back of his Kawasaki Mule and we headed to Mom’s house to mow her yard. I mow the small side yard, front area by the sidewalk, and the circle around her flowerbed with the push mower while he mows the rest of the huge yard with the rider.

I trimmed the trumpet vine on the porch, edged the sidewalk, and pulled weeds while Two Feather finished mowing.

We took the mowers back to our house and rode back down to Mom’s to get the mail and paper and put the garbage out for collection. When we got back to Mom’s house, a package was sitting on the table on the porch. I was pleased that UPS had delivered the book I’d just purchased. I’ve heard so much about Deborah Uetz’s book, Into the Mist: When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer’s Disease, I just had to buy it. Can’t wait to start reading it.

This evening I called Angel to ask how Tim was doing. A few days after Mom was in the hospital, Tim went to the emergency room. He’d had a gall bladder attack. He’s scheduled for surgery on the 11th. Angel told me they were coming in this weekend again because she has a job interview. She’ll be leaving for back home on Sunday and Tim will be staying for his job interviews on Monday and Tuesday. They plan to move back to this area as soon as they acquire jobs here and sell their house in Mechanicsburg. YAY!!!

Anyway, Angel wants to visit Saturday with Mom. It will be Mom’s 84th birthday! Angel thought we could take Mom out for lunch or early dinner. Two Feather and I had thought about that too, but we figured we’d wait to see how Mom is that morning. The home health nurse and OT nurse are coming Saturday, too. They won’t be calling me until Friday night or Saturday morning to let me know when. So everything is sort of up in the air until I know when her therapy will be done. Either way, we’ll make sure Mom has a great birthday.

No Power, But Still A Wonderful Visit

My daughter, Stacey, came in Thursday evening after the storm. Two Feather had to cut the trees more and move them from the drive so she wouldn’t have a problem getting down the driveway after dark. She wasn’t aware we didn’t have power until she was in Cranberry and called my cell phone to let me know she was close to home. She and Two Feather entertained each other all evening by candlelight.

I found out how much we truly depend on electric. No electric means no stove, no lights, no water, no flushing the toilet, no anything! By the time Mom gets home from day care, she’s tired. There’s only time to eat and get her ready for bed before her eyes show signs of dozing off at the table. So I had to hurry to get things done before the sun went down. I made sandwiches and a salad and Mom and I talked at the kitchen table for a bit before she went to bed.

Then, I headed upstairs in the dark. Nothing to do, but sit and wonder when the electric would come back on. I tried reading by flashlight, but that didn’t work. My eyes are getting too bad for that. I tried lighting a half dozen candles and using a flashlight to try to get some writing done, but that didn’t work either. Do you know how hard it is to hold a flashlight, hold paper, and try to write at the same time? Believe me, it’s not easy. I finally gave up, called Two on the cell phone and told him I was going to bed. Figured I might as well catch up on some sleep. Yeah right. When you want to sleep, it escapes you. I leaned against my pillow and stared at the stars out the window, hoping for morning to come quick so I would have something to do.

Friday, Two Feather, Stacey, and I went to a large outdoor flea market. It is the market where Two used to set up and sell his Indian art. We spent the day there. Stacey was looking for a puppy. We walked from one end of the market to the other twice because she couldn’t decide between a six-week-old Jack Russell or a Puggle. Yes, I said Puggle. I’d never heard of the breed before, but I soon found out it is a mix between a Pug and a Beagle. And, oh are they cute! Stacey ended up choosing the Puggle. He’s adorable and he took to her right away. He follows her around and listens to her very well.

This is Soup. Yes, that’s his name. When she picked him up and decided he was the one she wanted, she asked Two Feather what he thought of her dog. He said, “Yep, he’s soup.” It’s a long story. An Indian story some wouldn’t want to hear. LOL Anyway, she liked the story and she named him Soup. Two, Stacey, and Soup went to my house and later sat by candlelight for the evening, because we still had no electric.

I picked Mom up at the day care at the regular time. After she was in bed, instead of trying to read or write as I did Thursday night, I decided to try sleeping again. Sleep didn’t come any easier Friday night either.

Angel, Tim, and Katelyn came in Friday night and stayed at Tim’s mom’s house. Our power came on for about an hour Friday evening; long enough for me to post the winners of the Absolute Write August Freelance Contest. Then it went out again until sometime early Saturday morning.

Everyone came to Mom’s house on Saturday. Here’s everyone in the kitchen. Mom, of course, had to turn just as I snapped the shot, Stacey is leaning against the wall, Angel is to her right, Tim is sitting in the chair, and Two Feather is standing over by the door. Yes, there is someone standing there. He just blends in with the woodwork.

Katie took her second ride on Pap Pap Two’s Mule. Daddy rode along this time.

Bammaw (that’s me) was given the pleasure of holding Katie. She was more interested in the puppy than me, but that’s okay, at least she let me hold her this time. She’s not one to sit very long. She’d rather be on her own two feet running around now that she’s walking. She’s growing so fast.


Stacey’s been living and working in Mechanicburg, PA since February, waiting for her husband, Dennis, to retire from the Army. So he stayed in Alabama in their house and applied for jobs. He applied for jobs in PA, but received a good job offer right near where they lived in Alabama. Stacey visited by herself this time because Trinity and Quenton went back to Alabama with Dennis to start school and Stacey will be moving back in September. :(

Here’s a picture of Auntie Stacey with Katie and one with Angel’s hubby, Tim.

Katie had fun picking up sticks and stones in the yard and playing with the dogs. Here she is being held by Angel over the sink washing her hands before she eats lunch.

It was a nice weekend visiting with the kids. I miss being at my home, but after they visit here at Mom’s, I miss it even more. Everyone left Mom’s at 3:30 so I could make dinner and get her ready for bed. A lot of activity for more than a few hours tires Mom out. My girls visit often enough to recognize when Mom’s looking tired and it’s time for their visit to end. They also know that my day ends and life sort of stops at 5:00 PM when Mom crawls into bed because she’s exhausted by then.

I miss being able to sit on my deck or in my house and talk with my daughters until the wee hours of the morning like we used to do when they visited. It’s difficult sitting in an upstairs bedroom, trying to find things to keep myself busy, knowing that there’s another whole world out there that I’ve forgotten how to live in because my world revolves around my mom. What is more difficult is watching Mom’s world get smaller and smaller by the day. More and more of her memory fades with each passing day. I’ll talk more about that later.
I'll end this post on a bit brighter note, though. Here's another picture of Bammaw and Katie. I think she was trying to tell me it was time to get down and run around again.