The Last Month of the Year

Here it is the last month of the year and I sit wondering where the year has gone. As I look back at some of my earlier posts, I become more and more aware of Mom’s mental and physical decline. She rarely knows my name. She sometimes know I’m her daughter, and even when she utters the word, she doesn’t comprehend that me being her daughter means that she is my mother.

Most of the time, Mom has no idea where she is, even when she’s home, and I’m just a nice, pretty lady who sits and talks with her and treats her very good.

We’re no longer living with a moment-to-moment memory—we’re living second-to-second. It is so heartbreaking watching Alzheimer’s take her mind.

The day care is decorating for Christmas. They already have an artificial tree decorated. On Friday, they said they wanted a small, real pine tree (a Charlie Brown tree) to set beside a cardboard fireplace decoration. I told them I could help them with that. Two and I will be cutting down a small tree and donating it to the day care on Monday.

Mom and I went to Angel’s house Saturday to watch Angel and Tim put up their Christmas tree. Their light strings were giving them problems, so we got to visit while they sorted through what worked and what didn’t. Katie was napping most of the time we were there, but we had the chance to visit with her when she woke up. She was putting together a puzzle of the United States just before we left.

I’m sure I’ll get to see their tree decorated sometime during the holidays. The tree they bought was beautifully shaped. I’m sure by the end of the evening it was filled with beautiful lights and ornaments as well.

Some Fun, Some Not So Fun, Some Sad--July Update

July began with me not feeling well. I was aching from head to toe. There was no cold or sneezing, just a deep congested cough coming straight from my chest. I knew immediately the weather in June made a home in my lungs with bronchitis. An appointment with my doctor and a chest x-ray on the 15th confirmed it. I was put on antibiotics for two weeks.

My daughter, Stacey, and her family came up from Alabama for a visit on the 24th. They visited with us all day on the 25th while Mom was at club. Two Feather was cleaning up the branches from the big oak that was left lay by the loggers in the lower yard.



Stacey’s husband, Dennis, was throwing the small branches onto the wagon and Stacey drove the Mule behind the house where we threw the branches and brush over the hill in a large gully.



Trinity and Quenton helped throw branches, too. Tux, Stacey's dog, had to get in the action, too. They were having fun helping Pap Pap and Bammaw clean up GG’s (great grandma’s) yard.

On the 26th, Stacey, Dennis, Trinity, and Quenton came over and spent the entire day visiting with Mom and on the 27th they came back again with Angel, Tim and Katie and visited most of the day.



I managed to get everyone in the picture. Of course, there are two people missing in the picture; I was taking the picture and Two Feather ran up to our house to bring Ricky the raccoon down to meet the family.

Angel and Katie met Ricky in June. This is a picture of them.


The kids loved petting him.



Mom thought he was adorable and held him on her lap for a while. Her eyes lit up when he crawled onto her shoulder and squeaked.



She thought it was great that we nursed him back to health and that he was so small, cute, and cuddly. She just loved him.



I snapped of shot of Angel and Stacey playing ring-around-the-rosy with Katie, Trinity, and Quenton. Shortly after, the girls announced they were leaving because they knew Mom was getting tired. They planned to go out for dinner and left so I could get Mom something to eat and keep her on her schedule. It’s times like this that I miss being able to get up and go and spend more time with my kids and grandkids, but I’m very thankful that they recognize the signs of Mom growing tired and understand the need to keep her on her schedule. Mom is only able to take so much out-of-routine and more-than-normal crowd around her for so long. You caregivers know what I mean; anything and anyone out of the ordinary seems to mentally fatigue our loved ones that much more.

Monday the 28th I took Mom to day care and I went to my doctor because my bronchitis wasn’t much better. He gave me another seven-day prescription and insisted that I take care of myself for a change. I wasn’t getting the rest I needed for the antibiotics to work properly. It was either place Mom in the ALF or I would end up in the hospital and have to place her anyway. I called the ALF to take her in the next morning. After I dropped her off, I went to my house and slept and rested the rest of that day and all of the next.

Angel and Stacey wanted to go to the local amusement park, Kennywood, on the 30th. Angel, Tim, and Katie were meeting us there after work. I told them Two Feather and I would go along and watch the grandkids while my daughters and their husbands rode rides that the munchkins were too small for. After all, I’d only be walking around and the temperature was in the high 80’s so what harm could it do?

Two and I took the kids to Kiddieland to ride the kid’s rides. Trinity, Quenton, and Katie had so much fun riding the rides. I rode a few of the rides with them.

While Angel, Tim, Stacey, and Dennis rode the roller coasters, Two and I bought the kids drinks and a funnel cake with powdered sugar on it. Between sharing the funnel cake and talking with our grandchildren, we kept them occupied until my daughters were off the rides.



I thought it was cute that Angel kept calling me from the cell phone asking if we and the kids were okay and letting me know where they were in line and how long it would be before they came back.

The day was beautiful. I even road a few of the rides, too. I rode on the King Kahuna, which swings up in the air and upside down. There was a harness that came down over the shoulders and locked in position and it had handgrips to hold onto. It wasn’t too bad.

I love amusement parks! I love roller coasters and thrilling rides, but I can’t go on those type rides anymore since I have a plate in my neck. I’ve never been afraid to go on any ride…ever.

The last ride of the day, before we left, was the Phantom’s Revenge. I’m thankful Angel had gone on it prior to her convincing me to go on one last ride. She said I’d love it and she went on it with me. She hadn’t bothered to tell me there was no harness or handgrips. It was a long panel of seats in a row—something like movie theater seats. The only difference was it had a skimpy seatbelt and it swung high up in the air. Not too bad, I thought as it started swinging. Then, Angel said, “It’s not over yet!” When I asked, “What do you mean?” She giggled and said, “You’ll see.”

The ride swung higher and higher, and my heart felt like it was in my throat when the next swoop took us so high that we were facing the cement beneath us. I couldn’t wait for the ride to be over! Never in all my years of riding amusement park rides has there ever been a ride I wouldn’t go on again. There is now! I won’t even repeat what came out of my mouth as my heart jumped in my throat with each swing. When I walked up to Two after I got off the ride, I said, “That was terrifying! There was nothing to hold on to. Never again!”

Angel asked someone take a picture of all of us before we left the park. I'll have to get that picture from her.

It felt good to get home, take a hot shower, and cuddle up on the couch. I was tired from walking all day, but we had a wonderful time.

On the 31st I asked everyone to meet us at a Mexican restaurant for dinner. I wanted to take them all out to dinner to celebrate Angel and Tim’s wedding anniversary (which was on the 29th)
and Stacey’s birthday (which would be on August 3rd). Stacey was leaving on Friday morning and I wanted to be able to spend time with everyone before she left.

All in all, July wasn’t too, too bad. My bleeding ulcer is being treated with two medications. The abnormality in my blood was diagnosed and I had another small surgery at the beginning of the month. There are a few other things I need to take care of that I wouldn’t mind telling my friends about, but I really don’t feel comfortable putting it out here for nosey eyes to read. Let’s just say, things are going as well as can be expected and I will persevere!

On another note, a dear friend of ours passed away, another friend’s daughter had a gorgeous baby girl, our loving cat, Coffee, died this month, and the logging was completed on July 7th.

Be back as soon as possible with the next update. I’ll try to cram August and September into one post so I can get back to regular posting. Keeping all of you in my prayers.

It's Been A Long Three Months -- Catching Up -- May

It’s been a long three months!!! A lot has happened since I last posted. I apologize for the worry I had caused all of you dear friends and faithful readers. Had I felt well enough to post before now, I would have.

Let me first thank all of you for your concern, e-mails, notes and phone calls. You are all amazing people and it does a heart good to know there are so many wonderful caring people out there. Thank you!!!!

I suppose I need to bring everyone up to date. I’ll do that with several smaller posts rather than ramble on for pages since it’s been so long since I updated.

Let me start by telling you what took place in the last few weeks of May after I posted last. Believe me, this alone will be long enough for now.

Two Feather did set up his Native American art at the Nationality Day Festival between May 16-18th. Our friends, Ed and Ellen Strano, of Strano Remodeling offered Two Feather half of their store front in town so Two Feather could set up inside.

I scheduled a stay at the ALF for Mom between May 15th and the 26th so Two and I could work together at the festival and go to the Memorial Day Weekend Powwow in Columbus, Ohio the following weekend.

The turn out for Nationality Days was great! The Beaver County Times featured Two Feather in the Saturday morning paper and even more people showed up to see his art after that.



He sold his Indian art and I sat outside the storefront and did Indian face painting on faces of children and adults. During the three days, I painted more than 150 faces and Two Feather did well selling his art and talking to visitors about Indian lore.

Angel, Tim, Katie and Tim’s parents came to the festival on Sunday so Two and I could give Katie her birthday present. Katie’s birthday was on Friday the 16th. She turned two! Since we were set up at the festival from morning until late evening, they all came to see us on Sunday.


Katie loved her birthday present and loved getting her face painted. Believe it or not, out of all the faces I painted during the weekend, Katie was the only one who sat completely still as I painted. I painted a butterfly on her face. Butterfly is the Indian name Two Feather gave her.



The Nationality Days weekend was wonderful!

Between May 19th and 22nd we packed the camper and got everything ready for our Memorial Day Weekend Powwow in Columbus, Ohio.
Just before we were ready to leave on Friday, my neighbor called and informed us that her brother had passed away. You’ve heard me speak of him before. He was the son of the 102-year-old neighbor who passed away in January. We’ll miss seeing Billy standing by the driveway waving to us as we drive by.

Two and I had a great time at the Memorial Day Powwow. Angel, Tim, and Katie came down to Columbus and camped by us and stayed the weekend.



All of them came into the dance circle and danced with us too.



Two Feather’s daughter’s Nikki and Tricia and her husband, Gabe and their son, Evan (Fast Deer), came down for a day. It was nice having three of our eight kids there with us.

That brings us to the end of May. I had full intentions of posting right after Memorial Day weekend, but I didn’t seem to find the time to get online. Then, June was loaded with things. Some good. Some not so good. Some fun. Some not so fun. Some bad. I’ll get to all that in my next post.

In the meantime, please know that I appreciate each and every one of you and I’ll try to do better at updating if I’m not posting as regularly as I used to. No matter what goes on from this point on, I’ll at least post and “I’m still around” comment or have someone do it for me. Love you all!!

Respite: Sort of Like Spring—A Breath of Fresh Air

Sorry to keep you all wondering and worrying. I'm back.

Spring has sprung. The daffodils are blooming and being forced to take a break from care giving was like a slap in the face but turned out to be a breath of the spring’s fresh air.

Mom’s doctor has been telling me for two years to take some respite time. “You’re doing a fine job of caring for your mom, but you need to take care of yourself,” he said. My answer was, “I take her to day care.” Being one of the better-known doctors in the Alzheimer’s and geriatric field in this area and knowing I’ve been living with and caring for Mom for more than three years he said, “That’s not enough. You NEED to take a few weeks every three or four months to recoup your strength and get some needed rest from sleep loss and stress.”

That is “the” one thing every caregiver tells another and we all nod our heads and continue to go on one day at a time, putting off our needs, burning the candle at both ends, and hoping for a better tomorrow.

I, like many of you, took/take much better care of our loved ones than we did/do ourselves. When energy levels became low, we pushed forward knowing that in another one or two hours we might be able to prop our feet up for an hour or so before the next need arises. Probably like many of you, I always take my showers when I hear Mom snoring the loudest. I know then she is in a deep sleep and I can rush through my shower and get dressed before she might awake or I’ll take clean clothes to my house and shower there while she is at day care. Never can I take a shower when she is awake for fear that she will get into something and get hurt or possibly fall. We all know that caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is more difficult than caring for a child. An elderly person who has been independent their entire life is much more difficult to handle than a toddler—our loved ones are bigger, stronger, more demanding, and vocal than a toddler. Let’s face it, it’s easier to tell a toddler they shouldn’t do something that may hurt them than it is to tell an 84-year-old they shouldn’t do something they’ve done for longer than we’ve been alive. Switching roles of child to parent is no easy task. We sleep with one eye open for wandering shadows and ears tuned for sounds of breathing. There is no body replenishing sleep for a caregiver and all too often the adrenalin runs out, nutrition is poor, health problems arise and the caregiver dies before the person they are caring for.

When my tests results came back, I wasn’t surprised—at least with most of them. My rheumatoid arthritis is worse and my fibromyalgia is grandstanding the arthritis. No surprise there. Cholesterol levels that my doctor had been amazed were always fit for a twenty year old suddenly changed to worse than Mom’s. Blood pressure that was normally always on the safe low side is now what is considered normal for others, but high for me. My nutrition level is…well…almost nonexistent. I have a ganglion cyst on my wrist and my knee. The quarter of a stomach I was left with 35 years ago after surviving stomach cancer has turned into an ulcer, and I’m anemic. There was something wrong in one of my blood tests, don’t ask me which one because I don’t know, but as a result I’ve been to visit my dear old oncology doctor who took care of me 35 years ago. I was given only six months to live back then. He also treated me three years ago when I had a blood abnormality. That was a few months after I moved in with Mom and the abnormality ended up being a tumor the size of a grapefruit and me having surgery to have it removed along with my ovaries. I drove to the hospital and Mom and Two Feather sat in the waiting room until it was over. After recovery, we waited a few more hours until I wasn’t in a fog and I drove home to continue taking care of Mom.

The good old doc was as shocked to see me then, as I was to see him. He looked as old as dirt when I was 20—funny how he looks exactly the same all these years later. LOL All joking aside though, he’s still testing my blood and trying to figure out what the abnormality is this time.

Needless to say, after all the test results, my doctor told me I needed to take a break from caring. He told me to take a month. I took almost two weeks. Even though I’d talked with Mom about it and finally got her to understand I needed a break and she was okay with it, the day I took her to the assisted living facility she was livid with me. She refused to speak to me, hug me or say goodbye. I knew that was going to happen and I’m glad I’d prepared myself for it.

I admit I was exhausted. I knew that before I set up the respite care. I just didn’t realize how exhausted I was until I woke up some 36 hours after I sprawled across my own bed at my house.

I kept telling myself before I took Mom that I could sleep without having to listen to the monitor, sleep without having to get up every few hours, sleep without having to get up early to take her to day care, sleep without having to watch the clock to make sure I picked her up on time—I could sleep without having to worry about Mom because I knew she was in good hands. My little talk with myself worked like a charm and I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in three years.

All week I enjoyed the comforts of my own home and enjoyed the company of Two Feather. We’d wondered how different we would act being in the same house 24/7 again after three years of being separated. To be honest, we were concerned that we might not know each other anymore. It was a great relief to know that though we knew it was only for a short time we’d be together we fell right back into the pattern we used to have. It felt odd to go shopping at Wal-Mart after dark. Heck, it felt strange to be anywhere after 5:00 in the evening.

We didn’t do anything special or go on a vacation of any kind because I was too exhausted to drive any long distance. The time we spent together and the relaxation I enjoyed sitting on my couch watching the evening news together and sitting on our deck talking over morning coffee was worth its weight in gold.

We enjoyed a few hours at a Maple Syrup Festival at a local park with my daughter Angel, Tim, and Katie and we went out to dinner with them on another night. It felt strange, but wonderful, to have that freedom to just walk out the door spontaneously and do something—anything different.

I was told not to visit Mom while she was there because it would confuse her, she’d cry and beg me to come home, and it would defeat the purpose of the respite care. I did call to make sure she was doing okay and I talked to her mid-week to let her know I hadn’t abandoned her.

I called my brother to let him know I had placed Mom in an ALF so I could get some respite time. That turned out to be an argument with him thinking I should have consulted him first. When I asked why I should consult him he said, “maybe we could have worked something out. I could bring her up for dinner or take her for a weekend.”

I told him that a few hours for dinner wasn’t going to help me at this point, and neither would a weekend. Then he said he was shocked and I asked why. “Because you said you were never going to put her in a place ‘like that’,” he said. I told him the place was very nice and he shouldn’t be shocked that I’m finally taking a break after three years. He reminded me that all I had to do was ask and he’d try to work something out, so I asked him to take her for a weekend in May, from Thursday evening to Monday morning, because Two Feather was asked to set up his Native American art stand at the popular Nationality Days in our area. He said he’d let me know after he checked with his wife.

Angel visited Mom several times and reassured her I’d be there to pick her up last Sunday. My brother visited her several times as well.

Saturday was a beautiful day but a sad one as well. It was the last full day and night Two Feather and I would spend together and we both had a difficult time holding back our emotions. We agreed that the respite time was good for me and I did get somewhat refreshed and it was good for us to spend quality time together without having to stop what we were doing to take care of Mom. We also agreed that I needed to listen to Mom’s and my doctor and continue to take periodic respite in order to reenergize myself and get a small part of our life back.

After a week, I called my brother to ask if he had talked to his wife about the weekend I’d asked for and he said he could do it Thursday through Saturday, but not Sunday and he asked if he could take Mom to day care on Thursday and Friday. I told him that he was only going to have her Thursday after day care and he could take her to day care if he used his wife’s car, but since he couldn’t do it through Monday morning to forget it. Then he argued with me about the dates of the festival and repeated that he couldn’t do it Sunday. Geesh!!! That turned into another problem. Two Feather said to tell my brother to cancel his plans on Sunday. After all, Two has cancelled his life for the past three years. Well, needless to say that didn’t go over well with my brother and we ended up in another tiff. He said he didn’t ask Two to do anything and I’m the one who chose to take care of Mom. I said, “You’re right. Two does everything Mom’s sons should be doing at Mom’s and he helps me because that’s the kind of man he is, and I chose to take the responsibility of taking caring of Mom so I’d take the responsibility for that weekend too. I told him to forget about the weekend. Then he said he had to talk to a few other people and see if he could do it Sunday and he’d call me Monday or Tuesday. At that point, I said, “I don’t know what your plans are and I don’t care, but if you can’t make a decision about helping with Mom without asking someone else, just forget it!”

Granted my emotions were running high because it was the last day I would spend at home, but I either have a commitment for help or I don’t. I’m not going to change what plans I’d like to make to fit everyone else’s schedule.

When I picked Mom up on Sunday she was happy to see me. She had the biggest smile on her face and held her arms out to give me a hug. She helped me fold and pack her clothes and within 30 minutes we were heading out the door back to her house.

Once we were home, she didn’t recognize her house at all and asked how long she would be staying here. Not that she really knows the house is hers anymore anyway, it was just sad that she asked how long she’d be there. She told me all about the nice ladies she met and what a great time she had. One day they went to the local mall for Senior Day and another day they went to the local high school to see the play Annie. She fit right in once she was there for a few days.

Monday, my brother called me and told me he worked it out so he could keep Mom on Sunday, too. I hate to say it, but that led to the biggest argument we’ve had. We were on the phone for nearly and hour and half dredging up past garbage—me explaining why I feel the way I do about a lot of things and telling him things about my life that he never knew, and him not remembering 80% of the occurrences I spoke of, and not agreeing with the other 20% of what I was talking about. The stress caused by that conversation left me feeling like I needed another week’s respite just to get over it.

Tuesday morning, I called him and called a truce. I told him I wasn’t in the best of health right now and the last thing I need is stress from arguing with him on top of the caregiver stress. The discussion/arguments we’ve had were worth it. I was honest and open about everything whether he believed me or agreed with me or not. We’ve finally agreed that we have nothing in common, except Mom and we don’t get along. All I asked from him was to speak to me decently and quit using a sarcastic and combative attitude toward me about everything. When it comes to me, I know my brother always thinks the worst. I’ll never know why, but it’s nice to know that he was pleasantly surprised that his sister has a better head on her shoulders than he thought. He actually complimented me on the ALF I picked for Mom.

All in all, the respite was wonderful and it may have actually been the straw that broke the camels back with these petty fights he and I have been having. At least I hope so.

As for those who are still in the midst of care giving, please don’t be as stubborn and procrastinating as I was about making arrangements for your loved one to stay in an ALF for a week or two to obtain some respite care for yourself. You’re the only one who can take care of yourself. Respite is like a breath of fresh air! Please don’t just nod your head when someone says to take care of yourself and wait until your health begins to fail before you take that break. If you die before your loved one, who will step into your shoes?

Spring! Snow? Happy Easter!

Hello, my friends. Didn’t mean to worry everyone. Just been very busy taking care of a few things around both houses. The last three Fridays we had fish dinners from our local fire hall. Two Feather sat with Mom while I went and picked up the dinners the first two Fridays and on Good Friday Angel and Tim bought dinners for all of us and brought them to the house to eat dinner with us. Good Friday marked the tenth anniversary of my dad's death.

My doctor has put me through a battery of tests and I’m still waiting on the results from those. He’s not happy with my weight loss and it’s time for my annual tests anyway. We’ll see what comes from that. I’m not really worried. Whatever comes, comes. I’ll handle it.

I’ve been up to the nursing home to visit my Uncle Joe twice since I posted last. He had the flu but seems to be doing better now. His dementia is progressing and his lack of concentration was very evident this past week.

Mom’s appetite is getting better and she’s abandoned using her walker. She’s getting around pretty good and her legs seem to be getting stronger as long as the walking distance isn’t more than ten feet. The time change confused her for nearly a week and she’s back to getting up and down during the night. Seems lately her Alzheimer’s is taking a few steps back instead of progressing. That’s a good thing, it’s just you never know from one moment or day to the next which way it’s going. Memories are coming from nowhere at times and conversations are forgotten within minutes or seconds. I hate this disease and its back and forth, ups and downs and plateauing.

Happy Spring and Happy Easter to all who celebrate. Though I’m not sure spring has sprung with 20 degree temperatures here and another inch of snow. :( The sun has melted all the snow finally.

I’ve missed reading what’s going on with everyone. I’ll try to get caught up on my blog reading this week. Hope all are well. Have a great week everyone!

The Rash Is Gone

Not much new here lately. Mom’s rash is gone. The antihistamine and the anti-itch cream must have done the job. It's been gone since Friday. The dermatologist couldn’t fit her in until this week and they said to cancel the appointment if the rash was gone by then. So I guess we’ll never know what it was. I’m just glad it’s gone and the itching is over with.

We're seeing more robins and the woodpeckers are starting their drumming on the trees. The daffodils are poking out of the ground at Mom's house. It's starting to look like spring here. My place sits in the woods and doesn't get much sun, so there's still four inches of snow on the ground and it still looks like winter up there.

Angel, Tim, and Katie visited on Sunday. Other than that, it’s been quiet around here and I don’t have much to say.

Just wanted to let everyone know we’re doing okay here.

New Medication Working Good So Far

I kept Mom home from day care on Wednesday again because the driveway was solid ice after the storm. Had the driveway plowed and salted and by afternoon the sun had melted some of the ice.

By Thursday, we were on the road again and Mom went back to day care. When I picked Mom up I was told there was an incident at day care. Evidently, Mom was sitting with Mr. N. and one of the workers walked up to her and said, “You don’t belong here. You need to move to another table.” I was told she grabbed Mom by the shoulders and nudged her toward the other side of the room. Mom complained to the supervisor about the woman’s action and supposedly the worker was reprimanded and made to apologize to my mom. I was glad they told me about it, but I wasn’t happy with what happened. I felt more than a bit let down because I know the woman and I never expected her to act or treat Mom in this fashion. It must have bothered Mom because she remembered it and told me about it on the way home. She said she was glad the lady apologized and she was going to forget it for now. But if it ever happened again, she wasn’t going back. I picked up Mom’s new medication, Seroquel, on the way home and she took it for the first time Thursday evening. It's a low dose before bed. The doctor prescribed 25mg tablets and Mom's only suppose to take a half tablet at bedtime. She slept sound. YAY!! So did I. DOUBLE YAY!! I can’t remember the last time I had two good night’s sleep in a row, but it felt wonderful! That was a Valentine’s gift all in itself. :)

Two and I went grocery shopping on Thursday and spent the rest of the afternoon watching Saw IV. All four of these movies were good. Of course, I’m a horror and thriller fan, so naturally I’m going to say I loved them. That was our Valentine’s Day together. Watching a horror flick.

Today, when I took Mom to day care, the lady who was gruff with her on Thursday pulled up in front of the day care at the same time. She was very pleasant and held the door for Mom to walk in. She said “good morning” to Mom and Mom answered as if nothing had happened. I did say good morning and talked with her, but I didn’t bother mentioning the incident. I figured the supervisor reprimanded her and I didn’t need to make a big deal about it. I’m sure she knows me well enough that if anything like that happens again that I won’t be as courteous the next time. She probably felt lucky that I didn’t say anything this time. I can be very nasty when it comes to protecting my mom.

Today was a do nothing day. Even though I slept well the past two nights, I still feel run down so Two and I just talked all day. Mom had a good day at club and I was happy there were no reports of any kind.

Mom was extremely tired while she ate dinner. She didn’t eat much again tonight. Her appetite has diminished so much. All she wanted to do was finish eating and go to bed. By 5:30 she was snoring.

Angel, (not my daughter) an old friend called my house and Two called to tell me she called. Angel and I used to pal around together in the 80s. We kept in touch for a long time and drifted apart due to life changes. I ran into her at a local store just before I moved in with Mom. She knew Mom had Alzheimer’s but we hadn’t seen each other or talked since so she didn’t know I’d moved in with Mom three years ago. It was really good talking to her after all this time. We were best buddies back then and it didn’t take but a few minutes on the phone to realize how much we’d missed talking to each other. Anyway, if you read this, Angel, thanks for calling. It was wonderful talking to you again.

I’m signing off for now. This new medication is really working wonders so I’m going to take advantage of the fact that Mom is resting peacefully. See you all soon. Joanne does a happy dance as she signs off for the night. :D

Happy Birthday, Angel!

I love you! Even if you are making me older by turning the BIG 30 today. :D

New Year's Eve

The last day of 2007, New Year’s Eve, was a quiet one. I took Mom to day care for their New Year’s Eve party and Two and I went to Wal-Mart to buy a few movies to add to our collection. Stacey called to wish me a Happy New Year because she was having company for New Year’s Eve and she knew I was, too.

I picked up Mom at the usual time, brought her home, made dinner, and got her ready for bed. I learned a long time ago that it’s always easier to get her ready for bed before dinner because she’s always exhausted and less lucid by the time she finishes eating.

Mom received a piece of mail and I had her open it before dinner. When she looked at the envelope, she asked, “Who’s Sheila?” I said, “Ray’s wife.” “Oh,” she said. “Why’s she sending me something?” Mom asked. “I don’t know, Mom. Open it and see what it is,” I said. Mom opened it to find a picture with a post-it note on it. She couldn’t read it and asked me to read it to her. So I did. When she looked at the picture she asked, “Who are these people?” I told her the people in the picture were her grandson, his wife and their two daughters. Mom was seated in the middle of them. She recognized herself. “When was this taken?” Mom asked. “That was taken at Ray’s house when you went up there on Christmas,” I said. “I went there for Christmas?” Mom asked. “Yes, Mom. You went there for Christmas." “I don’t remember,” she said, as she put the picture on the table. She glanced at the picture several times while eating and I could tell by the wrinkles in her forehead that she was still trying to figure out when she’d been there and trying to figure out how the people in the picture were related to her. I tried to explain that Ray’s son is her grandson and Toby’s kids were her great grandchildren, but she didn’t comprehend the relationship at all. She just said, “If you say so.” She’s not able to comprehend how this all relates to her anymore. It is so, so sad. Even sadder is that she didn’t realize Christmas was here and gone.

During dinner I could tell she’d had a busy day. The lines on her face were more prominent and her eyelids were drooping. She was exhausted and as usual wanted to go to bed shortly after dinner. She was snoring her loud nasal snore within 15 minutes of being in bed.

Two came down to spend New Year’s Eve with me and spend the night. It was one of five times he’s stayed in the three years I’ve lived with Mom. Three were on New Year’s Eves and two were because Mom asked him to stay because she was afraid and wanted a man in the house.

We watched one of the movies we bought earlier in the day. Yeah, I know, on New Year’s Eve, it’s sort of odd to watch Halloween, but it was something to watch and we enjoyed it. Angel called to wish me Happy New Year and said she and Tim were staying home for the evening and watching Shrek 2.

Two and I snacked on a meat and cheese tray his dad brought us on Chritmas. It was delicious. The movie ended at 11:00 and I turned on the news to watch it and then planned to watch the ball drop at midnight. Two fell asleep during the news and I watched the countdown for the New Year. He woke up long enough to look at the TV, wish me Happy New Year, kiss me, and went back to sleep. LOL All in all, New Year’s Eve was a nice day and evening.

Christmas 2007--Making Memories

Here are just a few of our Christmas 2007 memories.
Katie holding her butterfly doll from Two Feather.

Mom opening sweatshirt.

Angel with pants we bought her.

Mom with her velvet coloring pictures from Stacey.

Me with bath set from Stacey.

Mom with jogging suit from Angel, Tim and Katie.

Katie opening present from Stacey.

Still unwrapping.

Of course, it's always been known that the boxes are the best presents of all.


One of these days I'll have to learn from Terry how to make one of those slide shows so these pictures don't take up so much room. LOL

Two Feather—The Problem Solver

It’s been difficult for me to get into the holiday spirit. On-going family issues that just should not be happening and wondering how I’m going to make time for everyone to see Mom has put a damper on any good feeling I have about this holiday.

In one last effort to try to make things right, I called my brother, Ray, yesterday morning and left a message for him to call me back.

I went on with my plans and took Mom to Angel’s house around 2:00 to bake and decorate cutout cookies. Ray called me back while we were there. I asked if he was planning to visit with Mom on Christmas since he hasn’t come around or called for four months. He said he hadn’t planned on it, because of me, but he would like to see her. I asked Ray if I hadn’t called to make these arrangements if he would have bothered calling. He admitted he wouldn’t have. I told him I’d keep Mom up a little longer on Christmas Eve so he could visit after she got home from day care, and he said he’d have to check with his wife and call me back.

Mom and I were at Angel’s house for only about an hour and a half and I took her home. When we got home, I called Two Feather to let him know we were back and told him my brother called me back. Two Feather told me to call him after I got Mom in bed because he wanted to come down and talk to me about something.

When Two Feather came down, he told me that while Mom and I were at Angel’s house, he went up to talk to Ray. He asked him if he’d received my message yet and Ray told him no. Two Feather said he was there to make peace and told Ray that I had called to make arrangements to set a time for him to visit with Mom. He also told Ray that the lies about me trying to keep him from seeing Mom needed to stop. Two Feather told Ray that five years ago when he met my older brother, Bob, he asked Two Feather to take care of me, and he is taking care of me—from this point on if anyone messes with Joanne ever again, physically or mentally, they have to deal with him. He told Ray that I was doing fine taking care of Mom, but all the other family nonsense was making me sick and everything that has been going on hasn’t been about keeping him from his mother. He told Ray that calling me names had to stop. Ray told Two Feather he appreciated him coming to talk with him. Two shook his hand in the Indian way expecting my brother to hold to his word from this point on.

I’ve said before that Two Feather always finds a way to solve a problem and he’ll either leave you with a smile on your face or something to think about. It didn’t surprise me that he took it upon himself to try to make peace during a holiday he doesn’t celebrate. To Two Feather people should gift others with kindness and gratitude every day of the year, not just on one day. Everyday is Christmas.

When Ray didn’t call me back, Two and I sat and talked about other options. I called Ray this morning and told him that since it’s Christmas and I’m trying to make everyone happy, Mom could go off her normal schedule for one day so she could have Christmas dinner with him. He could pick her up at 3:30, spend a few hours with her before they had their dinner at 5:30, have dinner, and still spend some time with her after dinner.

Yes, Mom is normally getting in bed at the time they’ll be eating dinner, and she’ll be tired, but I guess it’s better to see her tired than not at all.

No matter what adversities we meet, Two Feather is always the problem solver. It’s just his way.

Peace is the best present I could receive right now and Two Feather has gifted me greatly.

Two Feather, thank you for that, and I thank the Creator for sending Two Feather down my path just prior to the time when I would need someone like this the most. I’m sure my Dad is smiling now. So, Two Feather…Wado. Gv Ge Yu I (This means, Thank you, I love you.)

Christmas Shopping, Christmas Cards and Who’s …?

Mom received several cards yesterday. She didn’t know who they were from.

The conversation went like this:

Look Mom, here’s a card from Bill.

Who’s Bill?

He was the best man at your wedding.

Why can’t I remember that?

Here’s one from Alma.

Who’s Alma?

Ardis’ sister.

Who’s Ardis?

Boot’s mom.

Who’s Boots?

Bob’s wife.

Who’s Bob?

Bob is my brother, your son.

It’s heartbreaking to know that she’s fading away day by day. Bob just called this weekend, too. But that didn’t ring a bell either.

Today she received two more cards.

Here’s a card from Larry.

He’s a cousin, isn’t he?

Yes, Mom. He’s your cousin.

Here’s one from Kary.

Who’s Kary?

Bob’s daughter.

Who’s Bob.

We went through all the cards and the same conversation all over again. By the time she asked, “Who’s so and so” for the fourth time, she literally laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. After we went through the cards again, we were both laughing so hard she put the cards aside. Then she said, “It’s nice of these people to send cards whoever they are.”

I pulled out a box of Christmas cards and got ready to start addressing them to those who sent to her. She said, “I’m not sending cards to people I don’t know. What are these cards for anyway?”

I set the box of cards aside. My heart just wasn’t in it.

Two has been trying, but even with all the shopping and wrapping I still can’t seem to get into the Christmas spirit. Gee, I wonder why. It’s difficult trying to celebrate a holiday when Mom seems to have lost the concept of everything. Thanksgiving came and went and she had no clue what Thanksgiving was. I don’t think Christmas is going to be much different.

On another note: The 12 days of hell weren’t all bad. My daughter, Angel, visited both weekends and we enjoyed spending time with her, Katie and Tim. Katie is growing so fast and picking up so many new words. It’s always a joy to have them visit and Mom enjoys watching Katie play with the pillows on her couch and look through magazines.

On December 7th, Two and I celebrated our fifth year together by going out for breakfast, and we spent the day shopping. Two saved his money from his last four wood sales and managed to get all his Christmas shopping done for his six kids and seven grandchildren and his parents. We also bought presents for my daughter, Stacey, her husband, Dennis and her three kids, Trinity, Quenton, and Deandre, in Alabama. We wrapped everything and sent all the presents Monday. I still have to buy for Angel, Katie and Tim and Mom and Two. I probably wouldn’t have all Stacey’s family bought for already if it wasn’t that I had to mail everything.

Trinity surprised me with a phone call last week. She sounds so grown up on the phone. She wanted to know what size shirt Two wears so she could get him something for Christmas. I thought that was so sweet.

I’ve yet to visit Stacey and the kids in Alabama and I still haven’t seen their house. It’s not a trip I can take Mom along on. Two never gets to see his kids either, unless they come here. The trip to see them is too much for Mom as well. He sacrifices so much to support me in taking care of Mom. He’s yet to see two of his grandchildren.

Oh yes, in case you lost count, between the two of us, Two and I have eight kids and 10 grandchildren and one on the way. We’re getting old! LOL I just hope that he and I are not too old to make the trip to visit everyone when this journey is over.

One more thing: I did manage to get a few books read in the wee hours of the morning when Mom was up and down. So, I’ll be posting a few more book reviews as soon as I type them up from my handwritten versions.

And...Yay! The furnace is finally fixed.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Today would have been my mom and dad’s 66th wedding anniversary. Two years ago, when I mentioned the date, Mom was surprised when I said they would have been married 64 years. Last year and this year the date went by without me mentioning it, and without her realizing it. Dates and phone numbers seem to stick in my head. We always celebrated their anniversary at Thanksgiving every year. There won’t be any celebration this year, but I can at least remember for her.



This picture is a wood burning of my mom and dad’s wedding picture. When my daughter, Stacey, was in the Army stationed in Korea, she had it made for Mom and sent it to her for Christmas. Ever since, it's hung over the mantle of the fireplace my dad built in Mom's living room.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Since Thanksgiving I’m finding myself reminiscing more than I’d like to. I treasured the holidays when family used to gather together and I miss those times terribly. It seems since Dad died this family fell apart. Without Dad around, this family hasn’t been any fun and since Mom has had Alzheimer’s there’s no ‘family’ at all. Not in the real sense of the word anyway.

Family used to talk to each other and invite each other to their homes. That hasn’t happened, at least for me, since my dad died. I guess when Dad died, in the eyes of my brothers and nieces and nephew, I died too. No one had to bother with me, unless my mom pitched a fit because I was left out. It got to the point that I told her not to bother because I felt if they 'had to be told' to invite me, they didn't want me around. They made that perfectly clear over the years. The only person who seemed to care what was going on in my life was my mother (other than my daughters, Angel and Stacey, and my Uncle Joe). That used to bother me, a lot. But things have changed. Now...I couldn't care less.

Two years ago, I tried to plan a special Christmas for Mom. I invited both my brothers and told them to pass the invitation to all their family members to come home for Christmas. No one came except my daughters, their families, and Two Feather. Not even a call to say they weren't coming. All I got from the rest of the ‘so-called family’ was excuses, a hard time, and ridicule. For all intents and purposes, that is the last Christmas Mom remembers. That is, if you want to call a lot of prodding and picture showing to bring that memory back, remembering.

Normally, I put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. It’s still neatly tucked away in the box in which it was packed in 2005 and is sitting in my mom’s basement. I’ll probably have Two Feather take my tree back to my house in the next week or so and have him toss it in the basement to be stored with all the other decorations I doubt I’ll bother with this year. I still haven’t pulled out Mom’s little tree that we used last year. Why bother. I used to love this time of year; now it’s just another day that will go by without Mom ‘really’ knowing what day it is.

Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease. It is taking Mom piece by piece and it is ripping me apart.

As much as I said I had so much to be thankful for at Thanksgiving, I’d just as soon pass on holidays from now on. I hate Alzheimer’s! I hate what it’s doing to my mom. And I hate what it’s doing to me.

I Give Thanks

The turkey was in the oven and roasting as Mom slept. Two Feather came down and we sat upstairs sipping our morning coffee and talking about the two Thanksgiving dinners I’d prepared at our house. We’d only been together two years when I moved in with Mom to take care of her. Since then, we’ve had all our holiday meals here at her house. We talked about how we were just getting to know each other and learning how to live with each other when I had to move here; and we talked about how we’ll need to learn that all over again when the time comes for me to move back.

I have so much to be thankful for. Not just today, but every day. Every day is difficult for Two Feather and I being apart, but holidays are an especially difficult time. He’s been so very patient with me in my care giving for Mom and I know he’s terribly lonely each evening as he sits in our house alone while I’m down here at Mom’s. I’m so thankful that he’s as understanding and caring as he is. For him, I give thanks; for without him, his support, and his shoulder to cry on, my care giving would be so much more difficult.

I had a very loving and caring father who made so many wonderful memories for me. Everything I know about carpentry, roofing, electrical work, plumbing, butchering, farming, gardening—well everything I know about almost everything, I learned from him. Mom taught me all the ladylike things, like cooking, cleaning, ironing, baking, and canning. They both taught me to be respectful, honest, and true to myself. For my parents, I give thanks. I couldn’t have asked for better parents if I were to pick them out myself.

I miss my dad terribly during the holidays, and in the ten years that he’s been gone; my mom has taken his chair at the head of the table, whether dinner was at my house or hers. Today, as everyone filled their plates with the holiday dinner, I thought how lucky I am to be here—to still be alive to enjoy each and every day with my family, whether it is at a dinner table or a conversation on the phone. Stacey called this morning and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. Trinity and Quenton got on the phone and I talked to them, too. I give thanks that the Creator allowed me to live to have two wonderful daughters of my own, who in turn gave me grandchildren. For my life, my children, and my grandchildren, I give thanks.

I thought of all my caregiver friends and said a silent prayer for those who would be spending their first Thanksgiving without their loved ones. I wished for them to have a happy holiday knowing that their loved ones are at peace, and hoped they would be surrounded with love. And I wished a “good day” for those who are still caring for their loved ones. For my caregiver friends and all their support, I give thanks. I hope your day was as wonderful as mine was.

Quietly I watched everyone eat dinner; Katie sitting at the table eating with grown up silverware, and everyone adding to their plates. I paid particular attention to Mom. I’d filled Mom’s plate with a little of everything from each bowl, and with each spoonful said a silent prayer of thanks for another day with Mom, my family, and for the food. The most anyone said while eating was how good everything tasted. We were too busy eating to say much else.



Each time Mom took a bite of food she told me everything was delicious and thanked me for making the meal. After each bite she would look up at everyone around the table, look down at her plate, fill her fork, and tell me it was delicious. I watched and listened each time she filled her fork. By the time everyone was finished eating, Mom had finished her whole plate of food, too! She said, “That was delicious, honey. I’m full.” I said, “I’m so proud of you, Mom. That’s the most you’ve eaten in a long time.” She said, “Really?” I said, “Really! And I’m so happy you ate so well.”

I turned my head to hide my tears. Two Feather saw them. I know he knew what the tears were for. Angel and Tim saw them, too. I’m pretty sure they knew why I had tears in my eyes, too.

For Mom eating, I give thanks.

Love you, everyone. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Busy Four Days

I haven’t posted since Saturday, so I figured I’d better catch everyone up to speed. Sunday Angel, Tim, and Katie moved their belongings into their new house just eight miles from me. I took Mom and Two Feather over about 11:00 AM so Two could help them carry things in. Mom sat on their couch and colored while everyone was walking by carrying furniture and boxes.

Angel asked me to bring my Pack N Play with us so Katie could lie down for her nap because they wouldn’t have time to put the crib together. Tim’s mom fed her lunch and I put her down for her nap. Within minutes of me singing to her, she was sleeping.

Shortly after that about 1:10 we had to leave because Mom was tired. Most everything was moved into the house by then anyway. They were going to get something to eat and go back over to Tim's Mom's house to watch the football game. Angel said they weren’t going to worry about putting things away yet because she was leaving to go back to Mechanicsburg to finish out her job and they weren't staying at the house until tonight. Probably just as well Mom got tired since I wasn’t feeling well.

Monday I had to run over to Angel’s house to let the water meter reader in, then I went back to my house and curled up on the couch still not feeling well. Two Feather moved more wood all day.

I picked Mom up from day care early to take her to her regular doctor’s appointment. It was scheduled for 3:45 but we didn’t get in to see her doctor until 4:00. She was tired and getting impatient waiting. He told me everything seemed to be going as well as could be expected and he wasn’t going to change or add any medications. He did say that if she was having a hard time swallowing that I could crush the pills and open the capsules and put them in her food. I told him I have been doing that for about a month already. He commended me for keeping her in her own home and keeping her active with the day care. “You’re doing a fine job with your mom,” he said. It felt good to hear that from her doctor. He told me I looked tired, asked how I was holding up, and asked if I had gone to any caregiver support group meetings yet. I told him I was doing okay, I hadn’t been to any meetings because they are all in the evening and I have no one to sit with Mom. I told him that I am involved with a group of caregivers online and we do quite well at helping support each other. He was pleased to hear that and told me if I decided to go to meetings personally to let him know and he would get a list out to me. “Without family help, Joanne, you need some type of support,” he added. He said when Mom starts to get weaker and I felt she wasn’t able to go to day care anymore that I was to call him. He reminded me that due to her weight loss hospice would do a re-evaluation and whenever I wanted to have hospice come in to let him know and he would write the prescription for it. I said thank you and would let him know when we get to that point. He wrote up a prescription for blood tests and asked me to have them done before we left, so we went down to the lab and waited an hour and twenty minutes before they finally took the blood needed for her tests. It’s a good thing I thought in advance and had a sandwich and snacks with me so Mom could eat while we waited. She was exhausted and fell asleep in the car. We got home at 7:00 and she couldn’t wait to get in bed. She went to sleep within seconds of her head hitting that pillow.

She must have been really exhausted because she never got up once during the night. I took her to day care on Tuesday and went home and curled up on the couch again because I still wasn’t feeling well. I have this horrible back pain, an aching pain between my shoulder blades that just won’t go away. Last night after Mom was in bed I planned to do some writing but I just didn’t feel up to it. I stretched out on the bed with a heating pad on my back and went to sleep. I have a chiropractor appointment on Tuesday and my PCP appointment right after, so I guess I’ll find out what the root of the problem is then.

Today the pain isn’t any better. The pain was so bad today I nearly passed out, I would have gone to the ER but I have no one to take care of Mom if they decided to admit me. Instead of worrying about it, I do what I always do--made myself busy to keep my mind off of things. I started getting things prepared for tomorrow’s dinner. I made two pumpkin pies and a cherry pie and I baked the green been casserole and candied yams.



Two Feather moved more wood while I was cooking at Mom’s house. He stopped in now and then to make sure I was okay. The house smelled so good with the pies baking we both said we couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving dinner because the aroma was making us hungry. He sat at the table and talked with me for a while and when he felt I didn’t look as pale as I had earlier, he went out to move more wood.

I also peeled potatoes, tore apart three loaves of bread, chopped up celery and onion and mixed the stuffing so it’s ready to stuff the turkey in the morning. All I’ll have to do is get up in the morning, clean, stuff, and cook the bird, put the potatoes on the stove to cook, and brown the dinner rolls. Everything else is done and will just need to be heated.

Today when I picked up Mom at day care I was called aside by the nurse. She said the clients were talking about Thanksgiving and their families and she wanted to let me know what Mom had said. Evidently, Mom told everyone that besides her daughter (me), who takes care of her, she has two sons, but they live out of the country and that’s why she never sees or hears from them. Funny how Alzheimer’s can cause them to make up something in their own minds that’s easier to believe or accept. Truth is her oldest son in North Carolina just called Sunday. It had been three weeks since he called, and her other son, who only lives a spit through the woods hasn’t been to see her since August 25th and hasn’t called since September 21. I guess for her it’s easier to say they live out of the country than to make excuses for them.

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner. It will be nice to have someone in the house at the dinner table besides just Mom and me for a change. Two Feather, Angel, Tim, and Katie will be there. I’m anxious to see how much Mom will eat. I guess I’m hoping Thanksgiving dinner and all the wonderful aromas will make a difference in her appetite. We’ll see.

The only thing that we’ll be missing at our dinner table is Stacey, Dennis, Deandre, Trinity, and Quenton. We’ll miss you!!! Love you all.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Today Was Different

Well, today was different for a few reasons. Mom woke up asking me who was the bitch in the house last night. Whoever it was she thought was there, she didn’t like this old woman and she thought she was a thief. She’d grabbed her walker and moved it from the bottom of the bed to beside her bed so this person couldn’t steal it. I told Mom there wasn’t anyone in the house but her and I and she must have been dreaming. She was convinced that someone was in her room during the night. That was quite strange because Mom didn’t get out of bed even once last night. Then, while we were combing her hair, she stared at something on her dresser. I asked what she was looking at and she said she was looking at the picture of ‘us’ and pointed at a picture of her and my dad. Okay. Was the ‘us’ her thinking her and Dad, or was she thinking her and I. I didn’t ask. I’m not sure I wanted to know. I just said, oh, okay, that’s a nice picture, and I prodded her toward the kitchen to give her breakfast and pills before we left. On the way to day care all she said was how pretty the leaves were.

There was another reason today was different. It was the first time since my granddaughter Katie was born that I had the opportunity to spend time with her without Angel and Tim around. I took Mom to day care and Angel brought Katie over about 10:30. Angel’s interview wasn’t until 1:00 but she wanted to make Katie lunch and get her down for a nap before she left at noon. I think Angel was a bit nervous leaving Katie because it was the first time Katie had been alone with me without Angel around.

Katie seemed quite comfortable at my house actually. She ate and fell asleep before Angel left, which gave Angel time to change clothes and get ready for her appointment, and give me the motherly directions of what to do when Katie woke up; change her diaper, give her the canned peaches, and little fruit snack chewy things. Yep, I think I can handle that; I had two little girls way back when. LOL

It felt really strange having a baby in the house again. It reminded me of when I took care of my granddaughter Trinity for nearly two years while Stacey was in Korea. I sat on the couch and watched Katie sleep. Her little dimpled fingers opened and closed into a fist and her foot would lift and kick the blanket. She rolled from her back to her side and onto her tummy, then onto her side again. It felt good feeling like a grandma again.

Katie woke up about 1:30. I handled the diaper change and snack time like an old pro and we were off to better things. Katie and I sat on the couch and played with a little musical snowman for a while. Two Feather pushed a small couch pillow over and it tipped onto Katie’s elbow. She giggled and pushed it back. The two of them pushed that pillow back and forth for about ten minutes, giggling each time it flipped. Then, Katie did the cutest thing, Two Feather started to push the pillow again, and I guess Katie decided that was enough pushing and giggling and she put her forefinger up, waved it back and forth, and said, “no, no, no.”

Angel called about 2:20 and said she was waiting for another person to interview her and she’d be a little longer. She asked how Katie was doing. I don’t know if she could hear Katie giggling in the background, but I told her she had her snack, she was fine, and to be careful on the way home. We were doing fine.

After I got off the phone with Angel, Katie decided she liked my dog and crawled up on the couch by her to stroke her fur. Then we moved over to another chair and Katie played with the little talking piano toy Angel brought with her. The piano keys were labeled A, B, C, D, and E. A was for apple and had a biting crunch sound, B never got pushed, so I’m not sure what it was for, C was for car with a horn beep (I always thought C was for cat), D was for dog with a barking sound, and E was for elephant with an elephant sound. Wow, toys have changed so much since my kids were little. Angel and Stacey used to have the big round Fisher Price toy with the letters and pictures of animals. They had to turn the big red arrow to point to the animal and pull the cord to hear the name and sound of the animal.

Anyway, Katie either got tired of pushing the buttons on the piano toy, or she got tired of me taking pictures of her; whichever it was, she put her hands to her side and gave me this look that seemed to say, “Are we done yet?”

Katie and I moved back over to the couch, I changed her again, and by that time Angel was walking in the door at 3:30. She put everything in the car and left for home.

Katie was only awake for two hours while she was there but we managed to fill those two hours with a lot of playtime. After she left I sat on the couch and talked with Two Feather for a half hour before I had to leave to pick up Mom. On the way out to the car, I realized this old ladies’ body isn’t what it used to be. My knees felt rug burned, and my back was killing me. Crawling around on the floor didn’t bother me five years ago, but a lot has changed in five years.

I picked Mom up at day care and the first thing she asked me was whether she woke me up last night during the night. When I said no, she said, that’s odd; I thought I woke you to throw that old woman out of the house. Nope, Mom, you didn’t wake me. That’s good she said. *shrug* She didn't mention it again.

Mom ate very little dinner and went to bed as soon as she was finished. She said she was exhausted and felt cold. I tucked her in, said I love you and came up to my room. Within minutes I could hear the soft steady breathing of her sleep. I’m tired too; think I’ll hit the sack early tonight. All this mothering and grand mothering is tiring. LOL

Before closing though, I'd like to say thank you to all soldiers serving in every part of the world and all our veterans who served in the past. Thank you for what you've done for our country. Yesterday was the official Veteran's Day, but since it's being observed today, I felt it only right to let you all know you're in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks Dad, Uncle Joe, Stacey, Angel, and all of you wonderful military personnel.

The Day Wasn't All Bad--Getting Good At Saying Oh Well

Inquiring minds asked how my birthday went. :) Well, I’d like to say I had a wonderful birthday, but I’m not a liar. Had it not been for the migraine I woke up with, it probably would have gone a lot better. I’m not a happy camper when I have a migraine. When my head hurts, I do not function well at all, in any aspect. I had an auto accident four years ago, which required cervical spine surgery on my neck. I’ve had neck pain ever since. Once the neck pain begins, it radiates and becomes a full-blown migraine. The vice-like grip on my temples was unrelenting all day. But the day wasn’t all bad.

I called Two Feather when I got up as I do every morning. That’s my way of letting him know I’m still among the living and the day has begun. He told me to be careful taking Mom to day care and getting home, and we hung up. No mention of my birthday. I thought that was odd, but I figured he was waiting until I got home.

He had a fire going in the fireplace when I got home and he made me breakfast. I knew this was just a small part of his grand scheme for the day. No ‘Happy Birthday’ from him yet. No big deal. It didn’t really bother me; I knew he knew it was my birthday; he always teases me and says your birthday is the 11th right? Yeah, right, I say. He’s been wishing me happy birthday since his birthday passed in September. Oh well, he’s already wished me happy birthday probably 38 times anyway.

I went into the kitchen and thought about making a cake. Eh, instead I figured I’d make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and use the two new cookie sheets I bought last week. Bake for 8-10 minutes at 350 degrees and we’d have some really great tasting cookies as soon as they cooled. Wrong! Within five minutes of baking, I could smell the burnt bottoms. I won’t say what new name I gave those cookie sheets, but it wasn’t Echoware and it certainly wasn’t ‘no stick’.

By this time, the vice-like grip on my temples had encompassed my entire head. I was in no mood for cookies, especially burnt ones.

Two Feather heard me in the kitchen, came in, and asked what was wrong. Oh nothing, I said. I made cookies and their bottoms are burnt, and they’re not even finished baking. Guess I should have made a cake, maybe I could have burned that too, but of course I should wait to make that on the 11th, when you tell me happy birthday, right?

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me so tight. I didn’t tell you happy birthday yet did I? No, I said. We’ve had a lot on our minds lately. I know the breakfast and fire was all part of it, but…

But I didn’t tell you happy birthday. I’m sorry I didn’t say it when you called this morning. I know it’s your birthday. I don’t know why I didn’t say it.

It doesn’t matter, I said. Somehow I knew this birthday should go by unnoticed. I even wrote that in my blog yesterday. It’s just another day and there’s too many other things to worry about.

He grabbed a cookie off the cookie sheet and said these aren’t that bad, have one. Happy birthday, honey.

He grabbed a few more cookies and asked me to go in the living room and lie down to try to get rid of the migraine.

The phone rang. He knew it would be one of my daughters and before I answered he smiled and said, happy birthday. I knew it wouldn’t be Stacey because she told me last week that she didn’t have cell phone power where she works. I didn’t think she’d be calling until evening. Besides, I got a card in the mail from her the day before my birthday along with a half dozen cards from some of my friends. I called her on the 6th and thanked her for the card and wished her stepson, my grandson Deandre happy birthday at the same time. Oh good, you got it already; that saves me from having to call tomorrow, she said joking.

It was Angel who called when the phone rang and she asked what I was doing. I said I was lying on the couch watching the news trying to get rid of a headache. She asked if I could baby-sit Katie for a few hours next Monday when she comes in for another appointment. Sure, I said, and she said, okay I’ll talk to you later and we hung up. I knew she had it in mind to wish me happy birthday, but with her traveling four hours for interviews, trying to sell her house, packing, and trying to make arrangements for everything long distance, it slipped her mind. Oh well, she’ll call back when she has time.

I curled back up on the couch, pulled a blanket over my head, and tried to go to sleep mumbling, “Oh well, I did say I wanted my birthday to go by unnoticed.” Then I cried.

I couldn’t go to sleep so I picked one of our movies to watch. Two Feather slipped the VHS into the player and hit play. The movie had black streaks all through the middle of it. We tried another movie; the black streaks were still there. I ran the head cleaner in the VCR and tried the movie again. Still black streaks. Oh well, guess the VCR needs to be replaced.

We watched TV for the remaining time I had at home. I picked up Mom and the nurse at the day care told me I looked tired. I told her I had a migraine and was going to spend the rest of my birthday in bed. She wished me happy birthday. Mom asked whose birthday it was and I said mine. She said, happy birthday, honey, I didn’t know today was your birthday. I said, I know Mom, oh well, it’s just another day. Her knowing was there and gone within seconds. Oh well, I knew she didn’t know the date or that it was my birthday; I didn’t expect her to.

I made her dinner and washed her and dressed her for bed making sure I let the heater run in her bedroom for a while so she would be warm.

The part for the furnace was supposed to come in on my birthday too. I knew Tom had a furnace installation so didn’t think he’d be coming to fix our furnace Wednesday. The part probably didn’t come in until late afternoon anyway. Oh well, we have heaters.

Angel called about 6 PM singing happy birthday. She said she meant to tell me earlier, but she’d had so much on her mind trying to get things arranged, it slipped her mind. Do I know my daughters well, or what? ;) Love you, honey. Thanks for calling back.

Stacey called and wished me happy birthday right after I hung up from talking to Angel. Love you too, Stacey. She said I sounded tired. I laughed and told her what the day had been like, that I was still fighting this migraine, and I was going to bed. And I did!

So there you have it. That was my birthday in a nutshell. The breakfast was great, the fire was soothing, the cookies weren’t that bad, Mom’s house was warm from the heaters, and everyone who matters in my life did end up wishing me happy birthday. And that includes all you wonderful caregiver friends, the AW group, and all who sent me cards. Hugs to you all, you know who you are.

If you noticed, on the 4th I mentioned I’d tucked Mom safely and ‘warmly’ in bed, and during the night the furnace stopped working. On the 6th I wrote that I’d just as soon my birthday go by without notice and, well…you read the story. LOL

One thing I do know for sure, I’ll be very careful what I write in my blog from now on. You never know when the Creator is going to take you serious.

By the way, I still have my migraine. And oh yes, while I’m in the mood, She…i…la, I hope you’re enjoying ‘watching me’ from work and home, though I can’t imagine, since your rude October 1 comment, why you’ve logged in and read my blog 57 times since I make you SO sick. (Yes, I have all the dates and times logged from each computer) Did you bother to tell your husband that his mother’s furnace quit working? Did either of you bother to call to make sure she was okay? Of course not. Nice of you both to show so much concern for my mother! Talk about sick! Oh well!

Sorry I didn’t post this earlier, you would have been able to read it at 8:01PM when you logged in from home. Guess you’ll see this when you log in.

Have a wonderful day.

To Betsy

This morning I was happy that I was able to visit my Uncle Joe yesterday, Mom enjoyed the visit, and I actually found some time to finish writing a book review that’s been long overdue.

I’ve been busy with Mom all day; dressing her for the day, helping her with her bathroom needs, making meals, and keeping her busy. Weekends she tends to get anxious if I’m not sitting and talking with her or doing something with her. I managed to get the laundry finished and she helped me fold clothes, put them on hangers, and fold towels. She said she felt good helping with things because she doesn’t want me to have to do everything. I told her how much I appreciated her help and we sat for the rest of the afternoon working on word search puzzles and coloring.

Dinner is finished and Mom is tucked safely and warmly in bed and I thought it was time for me to catch up on my blog reading.

I went to Betsy’s blog first and found myself in tears when I read that her mother passed away over the weekend. I haven’t met Betsy personally, nor have I met Lori, Nancy, Terry, or Shirl, and many of the other caregivers I link to on my blog, but the relationships we’ve made through our writing about our journey with Alzheimer’s has been a rewarding one. We’ve become family to each other.

We’ve experienced similar drawbacks in our care giving, shared our concerns, even passed our phone numbers on to each other, yet we hesitate to make that call because we know how busy everyone’s day can be.

Each of these wonderful people have shared their journey right through to the end and it’s the end that saddens me so much. Shirl’s Bob died on April 27, 2007. Lori’s Helen died on Monday, September 17, 2007. Nancy’s Russ died on Thursday, September 20, 2007. Terry’s dad died on Friday, September 21, 2007. And now Betsy’s mom died on Friday, November 2, 2007.

Each have become very important to me and hold a very special place in my heart. Each giving of themselves in a way no other could. Some of us have common interests, some have common lifestyles, and some even have common superstitions. Thank you all for being the special people you are.

Betsy ran across my blog on August 20, 2007 and commented, “It seems we share many common traits: full time caregiver for an AD mom, freelance writer and Pittsburgher. I'm delighted to "meet" you!”

Besides being caregivers for a loved one with Alzheimer's, Betsy and I do share common traits, even past those things she mentioned. I was delighted to meet her as well and she’s held a very special place in my heart since. We’ve kept in touch through our blogs, and she was so kind to take time out of her busy day to send copies of the Reminisce Magazine. I thought it was very sweet and thoughtful for Betsy to share with my Mom something that her mom enjoyed for so long.

Today when I read Betsy’s words, “Those were our last words to each other,” I knew without reading any further her mom had passed and my heart broke for her. Through tears I continued to read her post about how she listened for her mom’s sleeping sounds through the baby monitor and my heart ached even more. So many of us caregivers can relate to the feeling of not getting comfortable until we hear our loved one’s soft steady breathing. We know the sounds of the bed, the different types of breathing, and when our loved one’s are sound asleep. Then we know we can relax for a short time, and maybe catch a bit of sleep until they call out to us during the night.

Silence through that monitor is something none of us want to hear. I could feel the numbness Betsy felt as she stood outside on the porch trying to gain the strength to check on her mom in the morning when she heard that silence. I can only imagine how difficult those moments were and how long they must have felt to her.

Crying, I reached for the phone and called Two Feather. He knew immediately that another of my friend’s loved ones had passed. He’s received several of these calls in the past six months. Two Feather understands the heartbreak we go through each day; he watches me hold back tears as I watch a part of my mom disappear as the days, months, and years go by. He hesitated for a second and asked, “Who?” “Betsy’s mom,” I said choking back the tears. He said, “She lives near here, doesn’t she? Tell her I said I’m sorry.” Then he hugged me and said, “I’m sorry. I know you’ve become friends.”

I must have had a distraught look on my face because he asked me what was wrong. Betsy’s post mentioned that the viewing was today and the funeral would be tomorrow morning. She’s so close, yet I realized I wouldn’t be able to be there for her during her time of need.

Betsy, please know that I’m thinking of you and your wonderful family and I am keeping you in my prayers. I may not be able to stand beside you, hold your hand, and give you that comforting hug you deserve, but I am there for you, my friend.

You were the template your mom used when she made those craft angels. ((Soft hugs)) I love you!

Good Day for Sitting By the Fire

Sunday night Angel came in about 8:00 PM and stayed the night with me at Mom’s house because she had to meet the house inspector in the morning and she had an appointment in Pittsburgh in the afternoon. Mom was asleep by the time Angel arrived so she didn’t get to see her. While I got Mom up to get ready for day care, Angel was getting dressed to leave. We figured it would be better if Angel didn’t go in the kitchen while she ate breakfast because it would have confused Mom. We went on our way and Angel waited for me to come back. Two Feather and I followed her to the house to get a short tour while the inspector was doing his work. It’s a very nice home with beautiful hardwood floors and a nice yard, and it’s only eight miles from our place. After her appointments, Angel headed back home to Mechanicsburg.

She’s moving closer to home and Stacey just moved back to Alabama. :( One of these days I’ll get to see Stacey’s house down south. Stacey called today and said she got a job. She starts tomorrow. She sounded really excited about it. I can’t wait to hear from her after she’s there a few days to see how she likes it.

When Two Feather and I got home from seeing Angel’s house he made a fire in the fireplace. The crisp cold air seemed to go right through us while we were walking around outside. It was a good day for staying indoors and sitting by the fire.

We made buffalo steaks again today for lunch and sat in the living room and watched TV while we ate. The day seemed to fly by so quickly.

I picked Mom up from day care and they told me she complained she had a stomachache about fifteen minutes before I got there. She was having a difficult time in the bathroom as well. The beautician came today and styled Mom’s hair. She does such a beautiful job on Mom’s hair. Next month it will be done the Monday right before Thanksgiving, so Mom will look great for the holiday.

On the way home, Mom said she was hungry. I’m glad all I had to do was heat up dinner when we got home because her appetite doesn’t last long. Since Two and I had eaten such a big lunch, I wasn’t hungry, but Mom sure enjoyed the buffalo steak, baked potato, and squash I brought home for her. Two Feather came down and sat at the table and talked with Mom and me while she ate. She didn’t eat a lot, but at least she ate some and she thanked Two Feather for making such a delicious meal.

He went home shortly after and Mom went to bed. I went to bed once Mom was asleep.